Welcome back twinhope. MLC isnt as much about their age as it is their state of mind. Our H never "sewed their wild oats", right? We were their first "real girlfriends", right? Theyve always been insecure in nature, right? They've "had it" with the material things (AKA the house), right? My H HATES his job too, and like your H , is seeking out other ways to fulfill a meaningful purpose - your H wants to change careers/go back to school - and mine has completely immersed himself in baseball (not only does he coach more than 1 team, he is also executive officer and treasurer for the league) and accepted responsibity for helping plan 20yr reuinon. Yes, they could be depressed, which led them to this sorry state. The problem is their ego wont let them admit it or seek the help they need. My H knows he needs help for his drinking, says he can help himself cuz he is of "strong mind". It's more like "strong pride". I consider myself in last resort, but even since H has left wondered of I have been overdoing it a little. Ive rejected some of his nicer gestures, so Im trying to acknowlegdge and accept any that I happen to notice.For example, when H stayed at house last Friday, he replaced all bulbs in garage (which are pain to reach for me.) I acknowleged it and thanked him. Make them feel purpose and appreciation (but of course dont look pathetic and needy!) Also, your H is 30? The big 3-0 is a difficult transition for some. The 20's are supposed to be fun loving and sometimes wild and carefree. 30 marks a new chapter, and he's probably feeling he missed out - which could explain the 21 y/o OW- he's maybe trying to experience thru her. MLC? Im not a T, but I would say DEFINITELY YES!
hope3343, are you familiar with the stages of Death and Dying? It is used to refer to those dealing with their own death or a loved one's death, but is very applicable to our situation. The death of a marriage, the death of a family. The stages are DENIAL, ANGER, BARGAINING, DEPRESSION, ACCEPTANCE. They may not occur in that order and one might not necessarily experience all 5, but your D15 sounds like she is in the denial stage, and it is inevitable, as long as this goes on, and no matter how and when she finds out about H leaving, she WILL enter the anger stage. She's going to need help expressing it appropriately. My D14 is wobbling between denial and anger stages. I told him its OK to express the anger as long as it isnt hurting anyone physically or emotionally. He has the right and the NEED to express it. My D11 is getting better with her anger - patience and supportive family and friends , including teachers have really been alot of help. I wonder if your D28 would be a great support to D15? Oh, and thank you for D28 story . It was interesting to hear OW perspective. Please share more if possible.
Ok, just want to share something real quick. H stayed at house last Friday night with kids. Sat morning when I got home from work, everyone was gone. I went into walk-in closet. Found empty beer can on dresser, so knew H was in there. I have a shoebox filled with memories- wedding pics, rings, cards, etc. In that box I had his personal baby book and his baptismal candle as well. Baby book and candle were gone. Next to the box was a Victoria Secret bag with all our old love letters from 20 years ago. The bag was shifted and crumped in - not how I left it. The top envelope inside the bag contained one of his letters to me, just kind of stuffed in the envelope sloppy-like and pages out of order. I have read those letters several times since he has left and didnt leave any pages out of order in any of them. As a matter of fact, I had purposely organized them. That particular letter he professed his love and assured me he would always be faithful - I was his strength. No one could take my place. Ironic. Had he been reading those letters that night? He was definitely in there. But why ? I gotta stop reading too much into things. Im going to be let down for a hard fall when Im served with those papers. Please God, save my marriage.....
Please lets all keep praying for each other. (((((((hugs))))))))
____________________________ me 36 H 38 S14 S11 D11 T 21yr M 16yr Oct 17 IDLYA 6-18 H moved out 6-19 H confessed EA(now also PA) and asked for D 7-4 H has consulted atty - Im anxiously waiting to be "served"
