Sunny, Way to detach...now just make sure that you are keeping it friendly too. This is the best way to keep your PMA and also has the benefit that your S has no idea what to make of it!
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
SD-Just returned from a school picnic where H met us there. He is being nicer than nice....Me, friendly but not engaging, even though he seems to keep trying to pull me back in.
He did stop by the house before hand, b/c he didn't know how to get there?? Same with the time it started, he asked at least 4 times since yesterday. Crazy.
My PMA is really good. I'm strangely happy. He does look at me like he's having a hard time figuring me out.
I have friends coming to stay on Friday when we're going to a PSA party that night. It was such a small airline & we all pretty much knew & grew up with each other, so I'm looking forward to re-living a little of my past.
Good for you. The boundaries you've set are a beautiful thing.
Connecticut allows my lawyer to be served the divorce papers so I didn't have to deal with it.
The other strange thing I've found is that you seem to have lots of benefits if you're the one to file. Since I believed in the sanctity of marriage and didn't believe in divorce, I never took that option.
Have been having a ton of fun & good times everywhere I go lately.
I pulled up recent filings about 9 days ago & saw that H had gone thru with the actual filing. Called him to ask when he was planning on having me served.
H-"How did you find out? You call and blindside me like this when I was just inching along, great. I told you, I'm not going to have you served, I'll give you them myself."
A week goes by with no mention of the papers. Then on Wednesday night I'm out when he drops off S5 & he leaves them on the counter with a note that he'd like the acknowledgement page back to show I was served.
I'd had about enough of papers being left, not filed, filed, etc., so got in my car & went to his place for the first time in 17 months.
I calmly told him I thought it was ChixSh to drop off D papers & go, & I wanted to personally tell him that.
He seemed surprised that I was there & said he had a lot of thought's, but 10:30pm was not a great time to start telling me them. Can I call you tomorrow & set up an appointment when we won't have the kids.
I said fine, do that, I didn't come over to talk to you tonight anyway.
Left me an e-mail the next morning wanting to meet me for lunch on Friday.
First hour of lunch there was no discussion of anything R related. Then he asks what are we going to do about us. He's much less stressed now, but depressed every day. Doesn't know what to do.
Wants to know if I'm happier w/out him. No, I'm not. "I do get the idea from listening to you though, that you seem to think it's your decision to R. It's not. At this point there's a lot that would have to happen before we ever think about starting a new R, but starting D procedings is painfully premature. If you're intent on doing that, it's out of my control. It does seem a little like you're throwing your family under the bus though."
The last sentence sent him over the top with him telling me he's there for S5 as much as he can be.
Over all, it was a positive meeting & maybe overdue, but I wasn't going to be the one to suggest getting together. Since then, thing's have been a lot more relaxed. He was due to go out of the country this weekend but split his head open surfing & has stiches, so cancelled the trip.
Either way this R goes, I'm much stronger, more detached, happier, & certainly more aware than I've ever been, thanks in a large part to what I've gained from this board.
Have been having a ton of fun & good times everywhere I go lately.
Not sure if that is pure sarcasm or if you really are managing to GAL your way through this phase. I hope the latter!
I know that I am so completely detached that it feels like I am watching somebody else's W talking when my W is ranting about whatever. I find myself starting to get this funny smile on my face and thinking, "once upon a time, that would have really bothered me."
Anyway, I see no real change from his side, I am sure wanting to tell OW that he is moving things along without really taking any concrete steps to actually end your R once and for all. I am sure that your confrontation made his head spin!
As usual, just keep your goals in mind and be strong.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
"I do get the idea from listening to you though, that you seem to think it's your decision to R. It's not. At this point there's a lot that would have to happen before we ever think about starting a new R, but starting D procedings is painfully premature.
You gaining more control , and importantly letting H know.
This made me laugh
Quote:
How did you find out? You call and blindside me like this when I was just inching along, great.
Now just who is blindsiding who here ??? Your H is like my W , subscribes to the theory that the best defence is an offence , no matter how ridiculous.
You are happier and more settled because you have control of your life now. What ever happens things will work out for you , you are the stronger person in your M and always have been. Your H knows that.
I had to ask FG directions as to where to find you. I thought you had quit posting for the known reasons. So, I am sorry I have not been around, not that I could have given you any wise words of advice, more to "keep you company"...
I am sorry the notorious papers have reached your hands. But I am extremely content you seem to have been ready to deal with that also.
I really believe you and your H share a strange kind of love. It would take a lot of work to make him let go of all the control issues he has, that's for sure.
So, what's the status now? Waiting for the next thing to happen? Clearly your PMA is good and you are having a good life but what is your next step? Love xxx K
