Breaking the Silence

[istherehope]

Daisy,


You sound like you are doing a LOT better today. Glad to hear it!

One question for you, is it feasible for you to have a call with a DB coach? I think you are in one of those lucky situations where you don't just have to be dark. This is why I think that some well-placed advice from a DB coach could be really helpful!

One thing I was thinking of in relation to your situation is that maybe you have tried to work through the stages too quickly, and this is why it feels that you are going backwards. I know this was my problem. The first 2 weeks we were S I was still in Dublin, and we'd see each other, ML etc. However, we never moved past stage 1, which is reduce negativity and increase positive feelings. It was as if I was trying to force stage 2 (friendship) or stage 3 (romance). I don't think it's as simple as stage 1 can't include ML, but I do think that maybe it needs to include less contact, and/or that you need to be prepared to hear a lot of venting. Pisces suggested that once you get to stage 2, you're really on the way to reconciliation as you're friends once again, but without the tension that you might have in stage 1. This idea of the stages helps me a bit, because it makes me realize that this is a normal part of the process, and that the negativity needs to be "spewed" and diffused. You, from your position, can start building positive experiences, even if it is only through text messages. I'm DEFINITELY still in stage 1, much as I want to be in stage 2. If you can hang on, remain dim if not dark, and use every opportunity to create a positive, safe experience for your H, one where he comes away thinking that it was at least neutral if not nice, I think you can make a lot of progress even if he DOES go away.

ITH