Daisy of course it is still positive!! Listen I am almost certain that all of us on here have gone thru phases in this mess where WAH didn't want to see/talk to us for a little while unless it was important. It is still in the begining for you and he has already went to MC and responds quite quickly to your texts.
Please chickie about 2 months ago I had H telling me he didn't want to talk to me all we did was argue he was tired of it and NO MORE ML!!! As in his words it would only keep the cycle going....well babycakes we are still chatting and have ML about 5 times since then.
They are in their funks and you can't believe all that they say. You just need to keep positive, GAL and do whatever you can to have a PMA!!!
P.S. I heard weight watchers was great my mom joined the online group and loves it!!!
I think you are right. Things are in a weird place right now but if I can wait for him to come out of his cave then I think things will get back to where they were, if not better because of what I am learning.
I think that is why I get impatient though, I see where we were a little over a week ago and know how happy we were then at the beach (I swear I cannot get last weekend out of my head, random images pop up all the freaking time!) and how one day has unraveled that progress. But maybe it is not unravelled just yet. Just delayed?
I asked hubby last night why one day seems to have messed up our progress and he said "because that's how we roll" which I thought was funny. He only says that when he is smiling. And he is right. That is how we roll. For better or worse.
My friend says that all the time "you guys don't make any sense but somehow you make it work" and she is 100% right. We have faced a lot lot lot! of drama over the years and have made it through it all. There is no way this is going to ruin us! Not even gonna happen!
Daisy you have been doing great! It's the DB dance. 1 step forward and 2 steps back... You just took a step backwards last week. Push on and you'll get there.
Have you ever walked against a heavy wind? One where you were blown back everytime you tried to move forward? It's like that for me.
if you GAL when he comes out of the cave it won't be so impressive and you won't make it a big deal. He'll come on out when he feels safe. And when he does you'll be there.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
It is like walking against the wind right now. What to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to do. It just goes on and on.
But it's ok! I'm one tough cookie!
Besides I got things to do!
Having my own apartment will make things A LOT easier between us because he can come and just hang out with me, not me and my parents. We can have a little love nest again. So I really am focused on this "get a second job" plan. I don't want to in a way because I hate work (lol) but at the same time I like where work can get me!
I am a second job, new apartment, and a shopping trip to IKEA (Sep hook me up!) away from bliss!
You sound like you are doing a LOT better today. Glad to hear it!
One question for you, is it feasible for you to have a call with a DB coach? I think you are in one of those lucky situations where you don't just have to be dark. This is why I think that some well-placed advice from a DB coach could be really helpful!
One thing I was thinking of in relation to your situation is that maybe you have tried to work through the stages too quickly, and this is why it feels that you are going backwards. I know this was my problem. The first 2 weeks we were S I was still in Dublin, and we'd see each other, ML etc. However, we never moved past stage 1, which is reduce negativity and increase positive feelings. It was as if I was trying to force stage 2 (friendship) or stage 3 (romance). I don't think it's as simple as stage 1 can't include ML, but I do think that maybe it needs to include less contact, and/or that you need to be prepared to hear a lot of venting. Pisces suggested that once you get to stage 2, you're really on the way to reconciliation as you're friends once again, but without the tension that you might have in stage 1. This idea of the stages helps me a bit, because it makes me realize that this is a normal part of the process, and that the negativity needs to be "spewed" and diffused. You, from your position, can start building positive experiences, even if it is only through text messages. I'm DEFINITELY still in stage 1, much as I want to be in stage 2. If you can hang on, remain dim if not dark, and use every opportunity to create a positive, safe experience for your H, one where he comes away thinking that it was at least neutral if not nice, I think you can make a lot of progress even if he DOES go away.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I really do not have the money for a DB session, the only reason I can affor counseling at all is because of the military paying for it. I do start my IC next week though. So that should be good. I know she is probably not a DB familiar coach, but at least I can get some things out and learn to control my behaviors a little better.
The plan for right now is send out my little "feelers" here and there and see what is going on. We are having a lot of honest communication right now which is not always easy but is good for our progress. I just need to wait until he feels safe to come out of the cave.
I think we were rushing through the stages and did not really deal with stage 1 all the way and therefore did not have a firm foundation and when a slight bit of trouble came it all fell apart. I will have to remember that for next time. We are still friends and we are still lovers (well not recently! Grr!) but we need to build up that firm foundation before we can really stand in stage 2 and 3 and eventually 4.
Back to the patience game!
Sep how about Oregon? Wanna come visit me? We can go shopping!
Yeah DB coaching would be awesome because it would be sooo specific but I can't afford it now and if I move out on my own in the next month or two I certainly won't be able to because I will have to save all my extra money for "emergencies." But I agree that on here is good therapy and I know I have learned a lot, even just from writing posts "to myself" I learn things about myself and the way I have dealt with hubby in the past. Not very nice sometimes. It is easy for me to point my finger at him and say he is the root of all evil but if I take a look at everything I realize that a lot of the "evil" he does has been a direct result of things I have done. But that is kinda good news in a way. He is a good guy who has some growing up to do. I am a good woman with some changes to make. Totally doable!
Daisy I know this won't make you feel better about things but you are so YOUNG! I think you are in such a good spot. I'm not at all saying go out with other men or anything like that, but you can take this time to enjoy the attention that you are likely to get from others. I don't mean by being inappropriate in any way. I am only suggesting that this is a really great time that you will never be able to get back, so you should definitely enjoy it for what it's worth! If things do work out, which I still believe they will, you'll have been through all of this hell, and your H will have been through something sort of equivalent to an MLC before you even hit 25! I think you have such a bright future ahead of you,
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
