Memories of today

[Beth 83]

Thanks Lisa! I don't know how I feel about it. I saw him briefly last night when he came over to pick up his stuff but we were both exhausted. It was a tad bit weird.

I'm not going to pursue him and just continue to be upbeat. I think, based on his comment at brunch about not being in any rush, that he doesn't want any pressure.

The fact of the matter is too that I want to move into my own apartment when we sell our house. I haven't experienced that independence and I want to--that feeling hasn't changed.

[mishka422]

That's awesome for you Beth! I'm very happy that your H is seemingly coming out of his cave and realizes what he has been losing.

(((((((((Beth))))))))))))

[One Day]

((((Beth))))

I think that if you still want some independence and to live in a place of your own for a while you should do it. I guess in terms of handling it with H, you could go with Essie's lead and say you want fun etc, and raise the living arrangements at some point when you feel the time is right? Has he said anything about how he wants things to go from now on?

I'm smiling- you and Essie, both in great places!! YAY!!

L. xx

[transformer]

Beth!!!!!!!!

WOW, this is GREAT!!!! I am so excited for you! You are handling everything so well!!!! The horse is no more, you're making sweet love with H!!

I really think you should go with your gut & have the experience of living on your own. I think it will give you different gifts & strengths to bring to the table if you decide what you want is to start a new R with your H!

I don't know if I already suggested it to you, but have you read "passionate marriage" by david schnark? It is hands down the best relationship book I've ever read... totally above and beyond anything else. (And you know, I'm the librarian, I've read them all). I think it would give you massive insight into your R and your H. And yourself too (at least that's what it did for me).

I can't wait to hear what happens next!!!!!!
LOVE,
T

[Beth 83]

Just had a long conversation w/ H. He is utterly devestated. Utterly in love with her. I just feel sick to my stomach. I'm trying to bite my tongue but the first thought in my head is to walk away. I don't need this nor deserve this. With dating, I've seen men who have appreciated ME. He is still utterly oblivious to me. I don't even phase him.

[Dawn of Hope]

Beth,
Repeat after me: MLC...cycling. MLC...cycling.

I haven't seen it in my H so much, but lots of other people around here have in their WAS's. It isn't a smooth road regardless of how hard you try. Hon, you still need to be detached. He's still in the tunnel. You're going to be getting this {two steps forward, three steps back, one step forward} thing for a while. He hasn't been returned by the aliens yet, but there's definite progress. I was reading somewhere that it usually takes the WAS a year or two to "get over" the OP, and that's with NC! It has nothing to do with you. Just keep DBing.

Take a deep breath and let it out. Do it again. This too shall pass...faster if you stay detached.

Peace and courage,
Dawn

[Beth 83]

Thank you Dawn. He is sleeping on the couch tonight. He is pretty miserable. I feel, hurt, rejected, like I'm worthless to him. And I know better so I want to walk away. But, I won't. I'll just go to bed for now. No decisions need to be made right now. Sigh.

[Dawn of Hope]

Beth,
You're welcome. And you're right, no decisions need to be made right now. Remember, your worth is not based on other people's (rapidly changing) opinions of you. It is something that only you can determine, and has nothing to do with anyone else, other than how you deal with them.

I think you know what you need to do. DB, detach, DB, detach....

Discipline is remembering what you REALLY want...and working for the long-term goals even when it's unpleasant in the short term (like exercise).

Hopefully everything will look better in the morning.

Peace and courage,
Dawn

[Beth 83]

Yes.
As I was once referred the "DB Queen", I now feel plowed over.

I deserve a man who is fully committed to me. I sat in the car driving to work this morning thinking that I can do better than this!

I will continue to do as Dawn recommends, DB, detach, DB, detach.

I wonder, though, it if is really worth the effort. Is having him as my H really what I want or am I just so "stuck" on the fact that I committed my life to him that I'm afraid of breaking that commitment?

[mishka422]

(((((Beth)))))

I completely understand the hang up on the commitment you made. I too have been struggling with letting go of the promises I made to him. He has broken his promises over and over and over, ad nauseum. It is now an internal battle with yourself only.

Ask yourself these questions. Am I complete in myself? Am I controlled by my circumstances or do I control them? Your answers to those two questions will tell you more about what you need to do right now than anything else.

I'm not very good on the advice Beth as I haven't been able to fully let go of my devastation yet but I wanted to lend you my complete support and a shoulder if you need one.

Make today great!