We talked. It was about her need to be financially independent and her misery at feeling imprisoned in our relationship. The bank apparantly would not allow her to stop the automatic draft from her account b/c she was the 'gaurantor of the loan'.
This doesn't make much sense since I have generally made more $$$ that she has over the past few years, but that's another issue.
She admitted she was in escape mode and that it may be possible that in two months of being on her own ( not at her moms house) she may be willing to talk about the R.
She has not been listening to the Ellen Kriedman tapes, but did not offer to give them back. She said she had no cassete player to listen to them on. ( I pointed out the cassette player sitting on the counter, which I had already told her about earlier; she said 'Oh.'
There was no explaination about the affectionate hug, or the softer attitude.
She had even graciously accepted a small necklace I had picked up for her on a Sunday outing with D.
It seems to me that her behaviour and her words do not match.
We did get into some R talk (about the past) and I actually got some good info this time about why she never responded to my non-sexual affection when I first tried (for about 6 mos) at our counselor's suggestion. (and eventually gave up, due to no response). She said it was fear.
This answer would not have made any sense before the Bomb, but since then we have really acknowledged the impact of the 2 rapes she experienced the year before we got engaged.
Ended on a humourous note as I joked about getting together sometime,(regular talk might help her to keep me more in the know about where she is at) but not to wait by the phone.
So, I'm bummed, but its back to Dbing for me.
Me 47, W 32,D 6, Met 11 yrs. ago, M 7 Bomb 4/08/08, Sep. 8/10/08, Div. 8/10/09
