my story

[123snap]

Well went back to school today, me, it was good to have a change of venue. I was late for class, I have some odd scheduling coming up so had to email H and ask if he can help get the kids on the bus, he said of course.

I hate this, I feel like I have to tiptoe around and keep reminding him that I want to keep our friendship going for the kids. Why doesn't he say anything like that, why does it all come from me. I feel like he can't stand to be around me, and is avoiding me, he says it is hard, but he doesn't say why, I shouldn't be second guessing his motives and attitude, I know but it is hard not to. I just want him to say something that sounds like he cares.

Sad, I am supposed to be "getting over him" and I am still looking for the cookie crumb. I have been eating like crap, I need to pick a date and stick to it for a return to healthy eating, I know that would help my overall.

I am thinking of emailing him and asking him to write out what he would like our co-parenting to look like, ideally, and then I would do the same, I think this would give us goals to keep in mind and also we could potentially share them so each other would know what the other is thinking. Not that we have to agree 100% but it gives us a goal.

I don't know if I should do that stuff or not. I really don't know what to do. I guess if I am working on something positive I feel better, even though I am not getting what I want. I don't know if that kind of stuff makes it more likely to pull us apart or back together, I don't even know if that should be a goal.

I just want to feel better, I just want my life back. I don't want to feel like we are competing for best parent or any of that stuff.

Oh he did make up my bed for me last night after I asked him to check the matress pad in the dryer, so....