Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

My experience is that a divorce sets you back 10 years financially. At our age, just really dumb. We'd both probably be impovershed in our old age. Living w/my kids is NOT for me! I don't particularly want to live alone in the future nor do I want to go from the frying pan into the fire. Guys my age tend to be paternalistic squares if not visibly, the 50's are still under there somewhere. (My ex is like that but 2nd wife loves it)

I just replied w/past spouse info. Don't want to take up more space.

I guess I was hoping that some LD guy(s) who are or don't want to divorce might be on here somewhere and have something to say, like "She doesn't understand that I ....... whatever"

Last Dec. H told me he had no libido whatsoever and didn't care. Had 2 scripts for BP, one a beta blocker. Quit that one. Month or so later he noticed a woman who was kinda falling out of her low top & bra lace showed. Said he'd not even been noticing that stuff for a long time, couldn't recall when it started. That "reawakenkng" or whatever it was either didn't last or improve. Had physical in Feb. didn't tell Dr. anything except got OK to quit beta blocker. (had heart attack in '01, no probs since).

By June, ED became more noticeable & frequent. (keep in mind "frequent" means once or twice a month if I beg a lot) A lifetime smoker, he quit cigs some time ago & switched to a couple cigars a day saying he didn't inhale. Nicotine damages small blood vessels no matter how it gets into bloodstream. And we know what wrecked circulaton does to a guy's ability. I went to libe & on line-you don't have time to read the titles of all the books or the websites (I'm an exercise physiologist so the scientific stuff's not a problem-already knew a lot of it). Pretty depressing. Came across SSW. Left it out, he ignored it. Still refuses to read anything.

So I blew up. Raised hell. So far he's gotten ED scripts. Would rather not use them but will if I ask. Lack of nicotine for 2 mo. I think is helping also. Had the Big T tested-normal but not real high. After roof raising tantrum on his part, he went for sleep test. Does have apnea (I knew that) which lowers Oxygen level in blood, wakes you up makes you tired. Also read it kills libido. So-next step is to do sleep test w/the mask on to see if it'll help. IF it does and IF he'll wear it.......it might help the libido. I've known him since he was 30 & am sure he's had apnea the whole time.

If the apnea treatment doesn't improve his libido, I'm out of ideas. Dr. said next step is urologist if ED scripts didn't work. But they do. Most Dr.s aren't in favor of treating w/testosterone cuz of the possible effects on prostate & other scary stuff. I guess getting him to the stage where he at least cares a little bit about having no libido and my feelings, at least enough to go to Dr, is progress. It cost me a lot in stress, fights, absorbing his yelling, etc. but I HAVE thanked and complimented him for doing it!!!!

Meanwhile, I spend weekends w/my fingers crossed & try not to get my hopes up. Once in awhile I get lucky. Usually I get disappointed. If its especially bad & I cry (was raised NOT to be a crybaby, painful to become one)he may initiate later or the next day. Of course I'm so far from turned on by that time....besides how can you get turned on when you know its just a charity job? Does he get this?? Nope, of course not. And not being turned on would be my fault, of course.

Doesn't have porn around. Not on line either. Years ago used to have Penthouse, etc. Don't think he masturbates, but if so, he could have realized the ED starting/worsening and decided to quit trying w/me hoping it'd all go away since "we're old". If he does, he would never admit it. He know how cheated I'd feel and rejected and insulted and all of that.

Got him a Penthouse at Christmas & he hardly looked at it. Got a couple videos for couples that sorta work. He could be one of those people who don't desire much, but if you get them started they enjoy it. He'd not tell me that either.

From all this venting,you probably guess, this was not one of the weekends I got lucky. He just goes along talking pleasantly of anything else like the nabors kids or the trash collection. Determined to act happy like everything's fine. (Reminds me of a guy who was doing that just B4 he dumped me.)Not even tippytoeing around cuz he knows how bad I feel & hopes I won't bring it up. Kind of whistling while he walks thru a dark alley.

As I mentioned in the other reply, I'm ready to hit the mule in the head with a board. Out of ideas. All this drama has wrecked a really nice summer.