I just sent it. I don't know why, but I'm really nervous now. I didn't say anything pressuring at all, but the way he is at the moment, he is very likely to get angry with me over the budget shortfall. Now I sort of wish I hadn't sent it, but he DOES need to live in reality. Hopefully he WILL realize that we are short due to overpaying his school and not some massive mistake on my part. I have been living like a pauper here in Poland when if we were together we could usually afford a pretty nice lifestyle...I hope he realizes this too. In fact I think maybe he did get this last night with his "sorry we're so poor" IM. Anyway I think some dominoes are about to tumble...I hope there won't be any angry IMs; I am going to need to avoid things like "I told you this was in the budget". Just preparing in advance for how to deal with the wrath of the WAH...I hope I'm wrong. Do I act "as-if" when I hear from him? As-if he will not blame me and wants to look for a solution? I don't want to be the one to come up with solutions. I can already think of loads of them besides the obvious having me come home early...I think it would be better if he solved this, but at the same time I don't want bad budgeting to be added to the list of things that are wrong with me!
OK I doubt I'll hear from him on this tonight, but chances are high that I will in the next day or so...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
You have done nothing wrong. This is just reality and he needs to deal with it like an adult. You cannot be afraid of his reaction. This is a problem you have to tackle together but at the same time he needs to really look at it and see what needs to be done, as far as your living situation.
He might lash out like a 2 year old when he realizes he is not getting his way anymore but let him deal with it, it is his problem. Focus on yourself and do not get too worked up about what his reaction might be.
You're absolutely right. He is just so angry lately, and every time he's angry it seems to make him feel guilty, which I hate even more!!!
I mean at the end of the day, if he asks me to find solutions for this, I will do that, but I want it to come from him. I want him to know that I value his input. He just has this weird thing about being busy at school and me not being supportive that might exacerbate this. Let's see if he raises the living situation. He is lucky that my company is putting me up in a corporate apartment! If we were paying RENT on another place we'd be destitute! Of course I can't tell him this...
OK. Well no matter what I will not go home early unless he asks. There is NO way that I am going to propose that scenario! Instead we'll just be in massive debt and have to cut things that he wants to do like Mexico. He'll need to figure this out on his own again though...
Alright trying to remain calm. After all, he hasn't even said anything yet! For all I know he could ignore the email or be incredibly nice about it...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Act "As-If" there is nothing wrong and he is going to be in a great mood and you are in a great mood. No matter how he responds you need to keep in your mind that it is NOT your fault. Keep cool, calm and collective!!
Stop stressing about it (easier said than done..yea, yea I know) as he will read it and whatever his reaction will be you can handle and you were just letting him in on the reality of the situation.
You're right. In fact there's a VERY good chance he will simply ignore the email altogether. That would be very annoying. Let's hope he's in reality enough to see the words that say we have a shortfall...
I just hope I don't have to raise the issue a second time. It's not a matter of letting him sink or swim. It's a matter of letting him drag me down with him if he doesn't do something about it. Ah well, I guess I'd rather come back to a bad financial situation where at least he will understand that separate houses cause high bills. Funny thing is he still seems to resent me being here as if this is somehow adding to our financial issues. Ok I promise to try to stop projecting now, and just wait and see what he says.
I'll post when/if I get a response :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Trying not to think anything of this but I had this REALLY weird missed call with an area code/country code that I have not seen before. I called the number from work, twice, and "All you Need is Love" was playing, and a voice, in a British accent, says to leave your message for someone special. Then you are meant to leave a message and next enter the person's phone number.
OK I can't get my expectations up here, but this was REALLY weird. I'm pretty sure H didn't call some service to leave me a special message. Even if he DID suddenly want me back, I'm sure he would not go about it in this way...I also don't have a voicemail, so now I have NO way of knowing what the call was about...
No word from H today either on the budget or anything else.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
OK and I just called the number again. I know obsessive behavior...
Anyway, when the phone is answered, the voice says "Is there someone special you want to say something to? Open your heart after the beep." So I go through this step, say nothing, then just press "1" to get to the next step. The next step is where you enter the person's phone number...
Anyway I NEED to stop thinking that somehow there was a special message for me. If anything it would have probably been a friend feeling bad for me. I just wish I could figure it out though! Anyway don't worry, I will not message H and ask if he sent me a special message or anything :). If by some miracle he did, I'm sure he'd bring it up sooner or later...OK going to quit dwelling now.
Back to "work". I actually DID do a couple of hours of work today so far!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
DAM has reached out to me and asked about my career, if it is going OK, has the move to Poland hurt me, held me back in any way. Then he gives me all sorts of advice about how I should keep in touch with my manager by phone etc. I do NOT want his advice.
Then he says he's worried about me. I said "thank you for worrying about me. I am OK."
He says "I know we are going through rough times but do not let your career suffer". I am SOOOOO annoyed.
So I have given him no info in this conversation, stayed cold. I can't tell what "we're going through rough times" means to him, whether he things these are temporary or whether he wants me to move on. I wish he didn't always do this by IM too.
Grrr I just DO NOT get him. he STILL seems clueless about when I'm coming back, and STILL hasn't brought up the budget, which is the real concern now. I am trying not to read much into his IMs.
Alright off now. I am POSITIVE DAM will write again soon.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
