Jayce...don't worry at all about hi=jacking that thread...I only reposted this one for you because you will get more answers this way.
What about the other question....do you know if he masterbates and does he use porn? The reason I am asking this is that, when a man doesn't want to have sex with his woman but IS using porn and masterbating regularly, then that is one type of issue....whereas if he doesn't want sex with his woman and also does NOT masterbate, that is a different type of problem.
Jayce, I don't know why, but I have had a LOT of female friends who have been with guys who are LD....so I personally do know that this occurs fairly frequently. Its just that in society, women don't want to feel the shame of not being wanted by their man and men don't want to feel the shame of not being a sex god....so no one talks about it openly. And even if they do talk about it openly, usually the average male response is to shame them even further.
Here is a case in point...the magazine Men's Health has an online message board like this one. There is a section for "married life" over there. The average poster over there is a different sort of person than over here....meaning, they are mostly bitter men who don't have a life...they are not there to learn or grow, but only to do some ball busting (strangest male behavior I have ever observed) and for some non-heavy chatting with strangers. Once in a while, someone comes along there with an actual problem and mistakes that website for a more supportive one, like this. So someone will post their marriage or relationship issue...but the responses will be very curt and basically just "suck it up and be a man" type of thing.
I have seen on that board, several times in the past couple of years, a woman posting...many times a very young woman...who is saying "I don't know what's wrong with my husband, he doesn't want to have sex...I never knew that any man would not want sex, what is wrong with him?" Every time, the answer is something like this:
*He is gay *He is having an affair *or...its because you are fat
My point in telling you this is...the above is how other men will react toward hearing about a man who has no sex drive. Get the picture? Therefore, how can any man who has little to no sex drive even TALK about this or express it to anyone, ever? Men already know that other men are going to shame them and call them gay if they don't want sex...so they say and do nothing, pretend the problem doesn't exist, and bury their heads. They will not acknowledge that there is anything going on at all.
Now, this is not meant to be down on you, but in your last post you said: "I believed guys liked wives who enjoyed an active sex life. Silly me."
Can you see how you also have been shaped by society to believe this? And therefore, you also are seeing your husband as if there is "something wrong with him".
How can he come up against that? He doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him he just has no sex drive. But he knows that you and the rest of the world are going to tell him there is something wrong with him. Therefore, in the face of this very harsh message toward him from you and from the world, how is he supposed to come straight out with it and talk about it? To him it seems that no one is going to say "oh wow, well this is probably some small issue that can be easily fixed." Instead, he knows that people are going to say "what the hell is wrong with you, are you gay?" How can he feel safe to talk about this problem when the entire world tells him he is wrong, gay, or a freak, just because he has LD?
In my experience with my friends who have been with LD guys, they have always made the mistake of crying and screaming at their guy "don't you love me? Is it because you are gay? What is wrong with you?" This - for obvious reasons - never resulted in their man doing anything except retreating further.
Men in general do not seek out ways to improve themselves. Instead, they tell themselves they are just fine the way they are and if the rest of the world doesn't like it, they can go to hell. This is just a general observation...the men on this forum are a cut above...they are working on themselves and their marriages and trying to become better husbands.
Your husband - more than you think - is a typical case of a LD man. This is not something that is easily fixed. And NO he doesn't realize the pain and rejection you are feeling, because he is LD...he doesn't feel the loss of sex nor the rejection. He cannot understand your side of the issue.
But this is exactly the same for LD women, as the HD men here will tell you. Their wives have no idea how much they are hurting them....they have no clue how desperate and sad and lonely their husbands have been. They do not see it is a problem at all...they bury their heads.
