The problem is he will deny everything and tell me i'm paraniod again, he is a very good liar. But i have made it clear that i am not happy for him to see other women.
Then the next time he lies to you, put your hand up in the "STOP" position and say "STOP IT. We BOTH know you're lying to me right now, and it's incredibly disrespectful. If you want to continue lying about your affair to other people, go right ahead, but please stop doing it with me, because that dog won't hunt here. Also, you should know that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover UP your affair, either."
Then drop it.
Do this every single time he lies about it. Eventually, he will most likely stop lying to you about it, and just keep it "neutral," which is a big mental and emotional victory for you.
The other thing you're going to need to do is lay down some boundaries. 2-3 things that are killing YOUR self-esteem and integrity. Sounds like the TMing from inside the house would be a great place to start:
"(Husband), look, I can't stop you from having an affair. You're a grown man and you're free to make your own foolish mistakes, if that's what you want to do. I WILL ask you, however, to stop text messaging or calling your girlfriend from inside of our home. It's incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage and to our family, and I won't tolerate it. If you must, then go outside on the lawn and do it, but not in my home."
