toh, it sounds like you are more involved and supportive of H and the farming activities. H notices and appreciates that. Is that correct?

I oscillate on how to plan for the future ranch activities when I never quite know what the future will bring with H. His usual line most recently is 'nothing different than before'. I want to scream back at him 'BEFORE WHAT?! then get back in our bed and come home and help me work here and get your head out of the dark places and see the sun shine!!' I don't. I nod and proceed with business as much as I can.

You are creating new and pleasant memories with your H. Keep doing that.

Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.