Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

"A lot of this has to do with maintaining a high level of emotinal intimacy in the relationship: sharing feelings & emotions, connecting as best friends, affirming your love and attraction to each other"

That's what I meant with the Omerta thing. He will never tell me how he feels about sex in general. What he likes/wants in bed. Will not talk afterward about enjoyment or satisfaction. May ask me "did you have fun" the next a.m. which refers to orgasm only. If I ask similar ques. I get "whaddya think?" Tends to be almost completely silent during sex & orgasm. Very little clues for me as far as what's good, better, or bad. That's why I asked the question of guys out there w/LD, what the heck is going through your minds????? Maybe you don't tell your wife, either, but I'm a stranger & it might help me understand my H better & your partner won't know. Besides, maybe if you tell someone, you'll realize what you are thinking when you see what you've written or hear yourself say it. 2-way win.

H does not share other emotions either, other than anger or frustration with job or projects. We've been together a long time & I've figured out a lot just by things he does or says consistently in specific situations. He fits the ex-cop in "Midnight Express", he only expresses 2 emotions, silence & anger. OK, not always, but pretty much never in any kind of real intimate situation. I feel this is a kind of cheating of me and our relationship in that he withholds and will not share. I get the cave thing and all, and I know he has mixed emotions about women in general (knowing his mother, cousins & aunts) but I'm a pretty low maintenance woman. Career, education, friends, hobbies, good sport, sense of humor, can change a tire LOL. I don't demand a lot of being waited on, deferred to, "candy & flowers", am far from helpless - except I can't do intimacy, playmate, fun, sharing, sex by myself. Told him a long time ago I didn't marry for financial support, handyman stuff, etc. but for partner w/emotional connection. The one thing he refuses to even try to give. Saying he loves me sounds kinda empty.

So, in addition to frustration, hurt and rejection, I'm feeling grief for the loss of what I've always felt is a huge part of a marriage and mutual fun, enjoyment, and affirmation of loving and wanting to pleasure one's partner. Lack of frequency isn't the only problem we have. I have??

As you can see, my ability to communicate clearly is not a problem. I HAVE told him I need him, I HAVE compimented his appearance, hygiene, cute tush, nice legs, care of the house & yard, willingness to cook, do cat boxes, waxing my truck and whatever else is going on. I don't gripe when he goes out of town alone for several days to visit his brother. The full week of sun, sand and ocean in Mexico w/no sex at all - and the 4 days in Vegas w/no sex, either - I cried about that a lot when I talked to him about it. More than once. He just looked at me like I'm some kind of alien. No response, no reason, and of course, no empathy. If he doesn't care, why do I? He backed off on counseling when I told him the counselor wouldn't tell me I'm nuts.

Cave, shmave. I'm ready to hit the mule in the head with a board. Please, someone, tell me what's driving his thinking? If you're a LD guy & refuse to even compromise w/your partner, tell me why.