I haven't posted to you in a long time, but I have watched your sitch, and I just wanted to say a couple of things.....
1. Congrats on your job and the kudos you got from your supervisor indicating that you have upward mobility. That security is a really good thing!
2. I have always admired your strength and grace in dealing with what seems to be an unusually tough sitch.
3. Good riddance to that a$$, your H! I know that's not the "DB" thing to say really, and I don't like to pass judgement on someone I haven't met, and he must have some redeeming quality in there somewhere or you wouldn't have married him in the first place! But, really, the things he has done and said while still supposedly being a moral pilar of the community!! His is an exceptionally damaged soul and you are so well rid of him! This is of course only MHO, but if he ever comes to his senses and comes crawling back, just kick him in the.....shins!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
You are talented and bright. And you are in the best place (a job) to look for a a new job.
Your lawyer will take care of you.
I don't think infidelity affects custody or finances, but in some states it might. If it does, see if you can hire a Private Inestigator. There are some online firms that can hack in to your H's email to get further proof.
You are talented and bright. And you are in the best place (a job) to look for a a new job.
Your lawyer will take care of you.
I don't think infidelity affects custody or finances, but in some states it might. If it does, see if you can hire a Private Inestigator. There are some online firms that can hack in to your H's email to get further proof.
--Theoden
Thanks, Theo. I can always count on you for positive encouragement!
My L has advised that infidelity doesn't count for much officially, but might before a judge--depending on the judge.
Also--I have found out that I can ask for, and most likely receive, a clause in the custody settlement indicating that D will not meet/spend time with OW for a certain period of time, to give her time to adjust. My IC suggested 8 months, and we can bargain from there. She said this is a relatively common thing to do. This makes me feel somewhat empowered. And since none of the rest of this whole escapade has, I'm definitely taking this. And legitimately so, not being manipulative; this is a somewhat sheltered 12-year-old who has grown up under the umbrella of parish and school, with overtly expressed values; all of a sudden her father goes wacky and leaves us for an old girlfriend who practices Wicca. I think I have a legitimate case.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I agree. Your case is very legitimate! I don't have anything against Wicca per se, and I am not a "religeous" person at all. My D24 is "wiccan" (she's always danced to her own drummer ( ). But, I still think your argument is a valid one and you should protect your D.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I haven't posted to you in a long time, but I have watched your sitch, and I just wanted to say a couple of things.....
1. Congrats on your job and the kudos you got from your supervisor indicating that you have upward mobility. That security is a really good thing!
2. I have always admired your strength and grace in dealing with what seems to be an unusually tough sitch.
3. Good riddance to that a$$, your H! I know that's not the "DB" thing to say really, and I don't like to pass judgement on someone I haven't met, and he must have some redeeming quality in there somewhere or you wouldn't have married him in the first place! But, really, the things he has done and said while still supposedly being a moral pilar of the community!! His is an exceptionally damaged soul and you are so well rid of him! This is of course only MHO, but if he ever comes to his senses and comes crawling back, just kick him in the.....shins!
Thank you. I appreciate your support!
As for my situation being unusually tough--well, the way the stars aligned to result in several crises at once, that was hard. However, I've read so many other sitches here that were immensely worse than mine, for various reasons. It's all relative, and it's all personal--we're all in pain.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I agree. Your case is very legitimate! I don't have anything against Wicca per se, and I am not a "religeous" person at all. My D24 is "wiccan" (she's always danced to her own drummer ( ). But, I still think your argument is a valid one and you should protect your D.
I didn't really have anything against Wicca either, until fairly recently!! But I asked her myself, in an email back at the beginning of all this, to back off so we could work on our marriage. And she wrote back, quoting some Wiccan "rede" and spewing a bunch of new-age nonsense about supporting our whole family and where to serve in this space--and hence, refusing to "withdraw from the relationship." Because it would be untrue to the goal she has set for her life--apparently to be a homewrecker--and using some Wicca stuff to justify all of this. So I'm finding myself just a little less tolerant these days!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
). But, I still think your argument is a valid one and you should protect your D.