John, I think you nailed it. It is the dynamic itself that is a problem for me. Because I view H as the "bigger bad guy" in terms of our split, because he is the one who had the A and he is the one who moved away (granted it was for the new job but still).
On the other hand, H views us as equally at fault for the problems in our M and says the A was a result of those inherent problems.
So I am wanting him to be a little more (ok maybe a lot more) on the woo-ing, loving, let-me-make-it-up-to-you side. Conversely, he is wanting me to be on the let-me-show-you-I-can-change-and-thiings-can-be-different side.
To add to my frustration H did not come to bed last night. He fell asleep on the couch. I asked if he was coming to bed when I went to bed at 11, he said yes. I woke up at 1 and he was still on the couch. I woke up at 3 and he had at some point gone and gotten a blanket out of the hall closet to cover up with. Then at 5 am I woke up and the TV was on. It was an infomercial, very boring...I walked out and H startled up off the couch. I asked if he was watching TV, he said what is on? I said never mind and turned off the TV as it was making the hallway outside our room bright.
H came to bed and said, sorry, I just can't sleep. I asked if he was in a funk, he murmered something. I said, "Are you irritable, tired, frustrated, worried?" He answered, "Yes", like it was all of those things. I knew he said he couldn't sleep and now I couldn't sleep so we were both laying in bed in the dark, awake. So I started to ask something and he just said "Honey...."
He never calls me that. Like, ever. Even in cards or letters. I said, "Did you just call me honey?" (That, from the messages I saw, is what OW called H but she spelled it Hunny (puke)). He said "Yes, Honey, I don't want to talk about it, ok?"
I said ok and rolled over. Of course I finally fell asleep well at 5:40 and my alarm went off at 5:50. Grr...
So H was still in a crappy mood when he left for work.
