Working on the marriage, going to C, etc. is a lot of work and takes the energy out of these guys and it could be that he cannot handle it right now although he would like to.
It is easier for him to focus on his work and also because it is an escape.
About him saying he will call you and does not--yeah, I think that is very common with these guys as well.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Okay, so there's an email going between H and I and I'm not sure what to think or do. I'm thinking I should best leave him the hell alone but at the same time I want to show him I care. Here's the email....
Me: (DBers..I sent this because it's how I felt/feel and just wanted to know.) Since you’re checking emails, I thought maybe you have a moment. Just wanted to know when you’ll be having divorce paperwork come to me so I can know when to expect this? I know 2 weeks ago you told me that you’re interested in working on our marriage, but since that’s not happening, I can only assume you’ll be filing. So I just want to know when so I can get prepared too. Thanks.
H: If it were to get to that I would let you know, I know it has been difficult, I'm trying to get help to figure out what the hell is going on in my head.
Me: Thank you for acknowledging that it’s been difficult. It’s very difficult, and it’s hard to watch you go thru this when I care about you. Can you tell me what’s been going on in your head as to why you don’t know which way to go about the marriage yet? Is it because of someone else in your life? Would you consider going to that weekend marriage retreat to see if that helps us, or are you not that serious about marriage yet?
H: I have no idea what to think any more, I'm hoping this new guy will be good for me to talk to.
Me: I hope so too. For your sake alone. How can you not know what to do at all anymore? I know about confusion, but to totally not know what to do? I don’t get that. I’m hearing what you’re saying and it sounds like you really don’t want to be married anymore, but at the same time you want to do the right thing, so you’re being pulled in 2 different directions. Can you at least tell me what I might be doing wrong for you?
H: I'm not saying its you!
I just don't know what to do. I'm thinking it would almost help H to NOT see me OR D8 for a bit to get his head straight, but maybe not. I don't know. I'm bummed for him.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My H says that's the deal with him-- he's just miserable, period. Of course he thought I was the whole problem when he left, but after he was out on his own, he found it was mostly him. And wherever he went, there he was.
It's great your H is getting IC. Maybe you shouldn't press him too much right now-- just try to act AS IF and continue to GAL while you wait for him to finish cooking.
I know it's hard, but if you look back at how you were doing just 6 mos. ago, you would see what tremendous progress you've made on yourself. You're gonna be okay no matter what he does now.
Oh! I looked up Fireproof and it's out by me. The soonest show is at 10:15 on Saturday but I think I'll see if H can visit D earlier or later on Saturday (to have a longer visit) while I go to the show. If I didn't have my C appt smack in the middle of the day at 1pm then I'd be all set. I'm surprised the movie is rated PG though! I don't think its something D8 would want to see, nor do I want to cry my eyes out while she's eating her M&Ms next to me. lol!
