How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[faithisbelieving]

W says it is all lies... We are Legally Separated - so she says she can do anything she wants and it's not an affair (Yet we are still legally married)

Read the PDF SD. Are you still married? Yes. On paper. The separation, was not to get her head straight, but, to let the M die a slow death and also because she had no other way to get out of the M in the state of NY.

I said that I have nothing to do with any rumors going around now - but suggested that if she wants the rumors to stop, she could dump her boyfriend and return to her husband and daughter and be a family again.

This is a threat and there is no way in h$ll that you will have a chance at getting her back with those comments. Translated to a women: "if you don't come back to me, I am going to continue to spew rumors about you."

As a man, you shouldn't have even come close to defending yourself. Why didn't you just say:
"I'm married. I don't degrade my wife. I'm sorry if you chose to believe rumors."

I keep wanting things to improve between us - but she keeps being pissed off about one thing or another.

Read the PDF. Part of it is that she MUST vilify you to validate what she is doing. Part of it is that you ARE pissing her off (see your comment above).

I just wish I knew for absolute sure if she is leaving for OM or if she decided it is over for good with me and then found OM. - I guess I'll never really know for sure

SD...open your eyes. She left. She is with someone else. You really have to get to work on yourself. Again, sorry I am hitting you hard, but, I can tell you that if you don't take some 'evasive action', you are in for a really bad bruising when the last day of month 12 rolls along.

I'm taking a 'ban' risk here but go to makingherhappydotcom and subscribe to the newsletter. Start learning about what makes a women excited and turned on and what behavior makes you essentially 'a wimp'. Having been on this board now for over 2 years, by far doesn't make me an expert, but, I've gotten a good feel for what works with women and what doesn't. Most of your conversations and behavior with her DOES NOT WORK and, in fact, PUSHES HER AWAY.

SD.....stop...think...reevaluate.

This is the hardest part of trying to be in the 5% of people here that have success in getting to Piecing, i.e., following those parts of DB that work FOR US. Imagine being in her shoes...for whatever reason...now with a guy that that is pushing her buttons...and she calls and hears what you said above.

THE ONLY SHOT YOU HAVE WHEN YOU ARE IN THE PLACE THAT YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW...THAT MOST OF US ARE IN...is to totally LET GO...GRIEVE AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. It is THEN that they will sometimes realize the loss.

FIB