How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[mountainman]

Why do I keep up hope that she will come to her senses and come back to her family when she has told me she never will ?

Because you still love her and you take your vows and committment to family seriously. You are also afraid of what life will be like without her. It's ok to have hope, just dont plan or live your life for it. You have to move on in every other aspect of your life and just leave the hope there. That is probably the only chance you have IMO.

I keep wanting things to improve between us - but she keeps being pissed off about one thing or another.

So if nothing you do is right in her eyes, just accept it and dont take it personally. She is a different person now, probably taking things out on you that she created herself but is just not willing to see or deal with. Know that this is NOT about you. It is about her and her feelings. Feel sorry for her, dont feel sorry for yourself.

I am certain the OM keeps her happy... Seems nothing will ever change as long as the grass is greener on the other side. I just wish I knew for absolute sure if she is leaving for OM or if she decided it is over for good with me and then found OM. - I guess I'll never really know for sure

SD, it doesnt matter why whe is leaving, OM or otherwise. She is leaving. The only way for her to realize that OM is not as good as you is to show her that you are better, that you can get on with your life without her. Maybe then she will start to take stock of what she is doing. The excitement always wears off after awhile and it sounds like she has a lot of anger issues. If you dont let her vent her anger and spew on you, then she will start to spew on OM and he will probably be out of there faster than you can blink.

Hang in there and make sure to take care of yourself. The day will come when this doesnt hurt as much. I am sad and yes, a little lonely being in the smack middle of my sitch, but there is not that bottomless pit of fear and dread and sickness that I was feeling for so long. "I no longer despair, I deal." Try it on for size.