Is it just sex....or more?????

[Trixi]

he didn't think I was being sincere about working with him on visitation with D and that I was probably just "blowing smoke".

My first thought when I read this was it was a test. He wanted to see what you would say. In sales, it's a good thing when someone says "I would buy, except____" The person is actually *thinking* about buying, because they have "reasons" not to. If those objections can be addressed and removed, they will probably buy. When someone straightout doesn't want something, they just say they don't want it. period.

I spend no time thinking about what he is going through.

is he wrong? I mean, I don't really empathize with my H because I feel like this is HIS choice. That it's all being done TO me. I'm not saying you should be expected to be seeing it from his perspective, but, do you reallly consider his feelings? Was he really wrong in saying that?

I'll suffice it to say that I was shaking my head when he tried to de-escalate and you kept after him.
HOWEVER-
in your case, I think it may have worked. It could be that your H "sensed" that you were walking on eggshells and thus, figured it was just an act and fake, and if he took the risk to reconcile, it would just go back to how it was.
Actually saying how you feel was probably a relief for both. Being passionate was probably different than lately too.

There were times when I would finally pop a cork on my H and he would be THRILLED. Normally I am considerate of what I say and how I say it, but occassionally he would just push me too far and I would just let him have it. He would grin from ear to ear and say "keep going". (Disclaimer: this approach only works when he is in 'certain moods'. Otherwise, not so much.)

Don't fall prey to this "I had a letter" thing. I mean, it could be true, but that was so transparent on his par. I have read over and over about WASs that say to the LBS "I was thinking of getting back together with you, but since you just did XYZ, I won't." WAS have a heck of a time taking responsibility for the hurt they are causing. They are only doing it because YOU *made* them do it. So, don't pick up that ball.

Validate how your H *feels*. Because he DOES feel that way. Feelings aren't to be argued about. Try to listen to what his objections are and if they are things you can fix, say as much AND demonstrate as much.

I agree with Amy M; maybe don't be so fast to try to shut the door. OTOH, lots of WASs don't turn around until they see that the LBS is moving forward with their life...