I know. I would just feel so much better if there was some sort of guarentee. I told him this last night I said I need stability so I don't feel like the world is going to come crashing down on my at any given moment. He said he doesn't have any stability to offer. I said I know and that I think the only way either of us will is if we stick together. He said maybe. I suggested that when he got home maybe we could work out an agreement to live together for a certain amount of time (like 6 months) and go to counseling as I see this as the only way of ever knowing whether or not we can work this out. He said he would have to think about that. So at least he did not say no. I also know that was probably pushing things too far but I really don't see how I will survive another long distance separation if there is not plan in place for when it is over. Like if I knew he was going to be gone for a month or so but that when he got home he would move back in with me I could let him go and not feel like having a panic attack because I know that once we move back in together we will have a much much higher chance of working these things out because we will be around each other all the time and I can really show him that I have changed my attitude about things like his time with friends and letting him have alone time and that we can find ways to deal with conflict without arguing.
So I am back to my goals now. I need to find that second job, move out on my own, and work on my writing. I also want to work out to loose some weight. So today is GAL day for me. Or else! Lol.
Seriously though if he does leave soon and is gone for a month or whatever that would give me time to get my own place and get settled and then when he comes home it might be a lot easier for him to settle in with me because the choice would be moving back where he is now (which may or may not be an option) or staying with me. If I can DB my butt off between now and then it seems he would most likely choose living with me. Especially if I can loose 20 pounds between now and then Lol. Just kidding!
I just need to make my DB plan, obviously going dark does not work for me and really does not do anything for our relationship so I am not going down that road again. I will be dim for now and work on my own life but still contact him from time to time.
So now that contact has been reestablished my new R goal is to see each other again, like go on a date, he said he wants to sort out his army stuff first so he is in control of that goal but I can help move things along by being fun and upbeat when we do have communication and by keeping him involved in my life. Eventually he will want to see me. He does still love me (no he did not say that but it is implied at the moment by his actions) and it is only a matter of time and effort on my part before he will want to plan a day together again.
So here I am. . .back to the waiting and watching game.
Lol. Just kidding!