Rocky Mountain High

[Amy M]

Dan,

Talk to the attorney. If there's no advantage to filing first, you might think about holding off. I know how frustrated, hurt, betrayed, etc., etc., you are (truly, I know...I have honestly been there). But, I also know that life's full of surprises. I think you have to confront her, and you might even have to offer an ultimatum. But, make sure that you really can live the results. If you go with the ultimatum, you will have to follow through.

I'm not saying you shouldn't file (I myself waffle daily). I'm just saying that you need to have a clear understanding of the consequences of that action.

I think I mentioned before that I've given myself a date. I've made it clear to H that he left the M and that I expect him to file, but that if he doesn't file by my date (or if there are not significant changes in his dealings with me), that I will have to take that action. In the meantime, I'm going with the flow. He's not filed. I'm not sure he's going to. Somedays I think he's waffling as much as me.

Could I take him back and learn to trust him again if he were to change his mind? I don't know. I'll cross that bridge if it ever comes to that. But, I do know that he's not ready at this point to think about coming back and that I'm going to give him a few more months to figure out what he's losing. It's worth that few months to me.

I know Puppy believes in taking a very tough stance...that's not what I've done (in fact far from it...my H is cake eating). I did follow through on the appt. with the attorney...like I threatened to do when I confronted him. But, he did admit to me his wrongdoing, and so, I didn't take the hard road by filing. I saw his honesty as a sort of door opening.

I definitely see the merits to Puppy's approach...and am considering going that route in a few weeks...since my road is really rewarding him for his bad behavior! But, I also see that timing is important. If she's not to the point that she can think clearly, then the tough approach will very likely result in her just allowing you to proceed with the D. That's easier for her.

Just hang in there. You'll make the right decisions for you and for your sitch whatever they may be. I just don't want you to make those decisions based solely on anger, etc. Think them through carefully! Talking to the attorney and the IC will help for sure.

Good luck!!!

Amy