I don't know how to explain it other than sometimes I feel he is just going through the motions, or that he is doing this reconciliation b/c it is the "right" thing to do, not b/c he wants me so badly. In fact, he said as much in July when he wanted to come home.
I said it felt "different" b/c when he had the short-term PA in 2002 he was crying, tears running down his face, on his knees in our bed with my wedding ring in his hand the day he begged me to work on "us" again....But this time it wasn't like that at all.
H said, that's b/c last time I was in a place where I really wanted you back, wanted our little family (S was only 3 months old) back, etc. This time (in his words) so much has happened and there is a lot about our M that I am not happy/satisfied with; I think a lot of progress will have to be made before I ever get to that point.
So he and I were approaching this R from two vastly different/opposite perspectives from the get-go. My philosophy is that you decide you want your marriage with all your heart, you love the other person, and then it follows that you choose to do all of the work to improve your relationship, such as Retro, counseling, making lifestyle changes, etc.
H has been approaching it as, you decide to do the work, make the changes, etc. and hopefully you wind up loving your mate with all your heart and wanting to stay married.
For example I told him I wanted him to re-commit himself to me, take a trip with me, eventually renew our wedding vows to cement our new beginning. I told him this in July.
He told me he taked about it with his IC and they both thought it was "way too soon" to take a trip together or renew our vows, that he would only be doing it b/c I wanted him to, not b/c he wanted to. He said it would take time for us to learn to communicate again and see if we could make it work, then move on to re-committing....
I just feel like either you are in, or you are out. I don't like the idea of try-it-and-see.
Please help me see where I need to bend or where I may have a point?
