John, I am struggling with the "issues" thing today..........Saturday night I had a big old fashioned fit and went off on H about how I have told him in no uncertain terms that I needed more "me and H" time. He asked me a good question which was "what does 'you and me' time look like to you"?
B/C when I am cooking dinner in the kitchen and he is grilling the meat outside, he considers that "together" time? B/C we wind up eating together. And when he is wrestling with the kids on the floor in the living room while I am sitting nearby folding laundry and watching them, he considers that "together" time. And when he is in the glider watching "Family Guy" at night, and I am on the couch watching it, he considers that "together" time.
I said, for me together time is just the two of us, without the kids, with the focus on each other. Or even the two of us with the kids as long as we are connected. I gave the example that if we were at the park and he was in one area with one kid and I was in another area with the other kid, that is NOT together time in my eyes b/c WE aren't together. But, on the other hand, if we were to take the kids for a walk on walking trail along the lake at the park and hold hands while we walked, THAT would be together time b/c we are connected WHILE we spend time with the kids. Does that make sense to you guys??
And I have told him a few times that if he is in the glider/rocker which only seats one person and I am in another chair across the room, if we are just watching TV and not talking to each other, that doesn't feel like together time to me. But, if he were to throw a blanket on the floor and ask me to spoon with him while we watched tv, or if he came and sat on the couch with me, that would be together time to me.
I was upset Sat. night b/c we have had similar talks before. And H dialogues in his journal with me that he is frustrated w/himself b/c he knows what I want, but at the end of the day he rarely seems to do those things/show me in the way I like to be shown. So at what point do you just say, "Quit saying you feel bad that you haven't been doing it and DO it?"
That is where I was Saturday night. I raged, not at him but at the situation. we were in bed and I was kicking the mattress and punching the sheets I was so frustrated...We wound up snuggling somehow and then an hour or so later he woke me up to ML.
But nothing feels different today than it did earier on Saturday. Last night H went out directly after work and did chores on the farm. He got home to our home at 8:00. Played with the kids until they went to bed at 9:00. Sissy got up again so H went in the kids' room and sang to them, came back out at 9:30.
Then he came out and sat in the glider. I was sitting on the couch already, so worn out from the day--went to work on the homecoming float after school and we got home the same time as H. I asked H if he was interested in dialoguing. He acted like he didn't hear me, or at least he didn't answer me. Then he started watching Family Guy (the only show he watches). It was a 1-hr Star Wars Spoof. The closest he came to interacting with me was to look back at me on the couch to see if I was smiling at the funny parts.....I was inwardly fuming b/c he didn't have time to dialogue but he had time for Family Guy?
