H moving out!! Crisis I need help

[Trying2live]

First thing {{Hugs}}. Coming to the forum is probably one of the best things for support. You will feel at home here. I know this is an extremely hard journey so take of your self so you can take care of the children. Surround your self with those who will uplift you and support you.

I have read a lot and every resource I have gotten my hands on for the most part says although you may not have been perfect in the marriage this is not your fault. Our spouses could have found any opportunity to communicate and take a higher road just as we would have. But this is an addiction.

That's great that you've also read Love Must Be Tough. Someone had sent me something that Dr. Dobson has said that might help with the I haven't been happy for a while thing. He says that the adulterer will re-write the marital history in his mind to justify his actions. So in his mind, he will change or re-write your entire marriage saying that he was not happy for a long time. My husband did it too. I guess we don't have the same memory. It's a very typical remark.

Sorry to say but I bet him leaving has everything to do with him leaving. Don't believe most of what your hearing from your spouse. He's living in fantasy land, so try not to take personal the things he's saying. There may be truth to some of his "issues" but these affairs are like an addiction. They are willing to lose it all over this addiction. I recommend this book: Surviving An Affair by Dr. Willard Harley. The entire book is on Affairs and the addictions of it and has game plans to help your through, where at Divorce Busting is only devoted to a portion of it. This book is an eye opener and it complements the 2 you have read so far.

That's great you are not begging. Keep it up. I know its hard and seem like the wrong thing to do, but it's the right thing to do.
Let the comments of I don't love you anymore, I never loved you, I haven't been happy roll right off your back. It's very typical of all these betraying spouses. Its a way of justification for their actions. It in their mind justifies the right for them to walk out all in the name of I was not happy or what ever excuse it is he is giving.

Take a look at this link: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19930501-000027.html
Its a really interesting article on Infidelity and why they cheat. The depression thing is in the article.

I think your counselor is right, there isn't room for 3.

So Let me ask you a few questions.

Do you know the OW?

Has there been exposure on any level?

The great thing about exposure is it brings them, at least a portion out of fantasy land. I exposed to my H's family, our friends and to the OW fiance as well. More is explained in the book i recommended. There is a "high" to all the sneaking around. Once the sneaking is gone things change.

I understand about not knowing the man your married, believe me! It's very common. I wouldn't give up hope just yet. Enough affairs recover that it's worth the try. Your patience will be tested so be ready. That's where your going to need to concentrate on you and GAL.
Even though you think he may not look back, as with my H as well, but there is always that chance that they may and at least your going to give it an opportunity instead of making a fast decision. They say most affair(quoting the book i recommended) die a natural death between 6-18 months. So don't give up quite yet. IT may not be in your time or how you want it to go each day so one day at a time and focus on getting yourself strong.
I'm going to try to go to my thread and find this technique called reverse babble. Its a way to talk to him when he's around. He needs to think not only is he thinking this through but hey maybe you are too.