Ohhh..what a day. Soooo...after the last text I got from H I thought we we're both cool with eachother. I was WRONG.
So out of the blue I get a text today stating he went to the bank to take his name of my account and then went on to say that after he thought about things he didn't think I was being sincere about working with him on visitation with D and that I was probably just "blowing smoke". Also said he doesn't think I care about anyone's feelings but my own and that I spend no time thinking about what he is going through. He then goes on to say that he turned the job down (it was weekends off and he's never had that) and that he will just wait till our D is 18 to have a normal life. Well, let me just say that after all the thought I put into the email I sent to him letting him know I was happy for his new job and that I would work with him getting this text from him was like a punch in the gut. I can never catch a break with this guy! Sooooooooo....I texted him back and said that the words in the email were as sincere as a person can get, but that he always things the worst of my motives so why should this be any different...ended it with I'm tired of defending myself to you. He responds saying he didn't mean to piss me off and he will try and be better about it in the future. Well by now I'M REALLY PISSED AND HURT! So, I respond with "no you won't" He then says I thinks we need a cease fire, but I've had it so I call him and flip my lid.
I totally went off and let out everything I had been thinking since February when we started having problems. Told him he had hurt my feelings for the last time and that if what he wanted was for me to hate him...he got his wish. I told him that he wasn't the man I thought he was and that if it weren't for our D I truly wish I had never met him. I told him that I thought he was a self centered bastard that didn't give a crap about anyone but himself and that I wish I never had to talk to him again. Sooooooo...he starts saying in a very low voice that he had written a letter to me, but it didn't matter now. I asked him "what letter"...he says his counselor told him he should write a letter to me telling me what he appreciated about me so he had been working on it. I tell him...well it must be a short letter because you don't appreciate anything about me...all you do is try to blame everything on me and make me feel like a bad person. He says "I know". I about fell over! So then I said what the hell would your counselor tell you to write a letter like that for? He says so he could focus on the good in me and get rid of the anger, but it doesn't matter now. I tell him he's right...all I want is a family and happiness so I'm moving on and I'm going to find someone that knows what commitment means and will truly stick around when the going gets tough and do whatever it takes to make things work. I then reference that I think it's great that all of the sudden he has five years worth of patience in him to wait till D is 18 to have a "normal" life...too bad he didn't have any patience when I was begging him to work on our marriage. I ask him...what was it that you had to get to that you couldn't take a few months and go to counseling. He is silent at this point which is really weird since in the last 7 months anytime a subject came up he didn't like he would hang up on me or be very mean and say he had to go....so I'm kinda flabbergasted that he's still on the phone being very docile. Well right then my D comes home and I tell him I have to go so I hang up.
I write him an email telling him I am sorry for the outburst but it was something I had bottled up for a long time while I was trying to act like a "good girl" but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I went on to say I was sorry for holding on for so long...that it was hard for him and pointless for me since nothing I could have done or said was going to change his mind about our R. I end with no one can say I give up easy
I then say it's time for us both to be happy and move on with our lives and I wish him the best.
About 1 hour after sending it the phone rings and it's him. He says...I called to tell you I'm sorry for hurting your feelings. I thank him and tell him I was sorry for yelling. He responds with "well I probably had it coming". He then says he just wanted to say sorry and that he has to get up early to go to work. I say goodbye.
I text him and say I wish he would take the new job so he could have weekends off. He responds saying it's too late he turned it down. I say "sorry"...he texts back "everything happens for a reason!".
