Hi this is my first post and I don't know where to begin. I posted under newcomer but thought I'd post here too...
Four weeks ago my H told me he was unhappy and didn't think he loved me anymore and wanted out of the marriage. Never did I see the signs of him being unhappy. We just had our second baby in April. He agreed to go to counseling although not a fan. Our marriage therapist works off Michelle's DB'ing principals so I bought the book.
I found out that my H is in an emotional and physical affair with a girl 15 yrs younger than he is and it has been going on for about 2 months. He couldn't commit to ending it with her to work on "us" but was going to go to a few counseling sessions. He stayed in the house the past 4 weeks but the last week I was catching him in lies, calling her, text her etc. I can't have him in the house anymore while he is in a full on affair. As our counselor said - no room for three!!
I also never did the beg and plea thing b/c I had read DB and "Love must be Tough" books... I didn't want him to feel trapped. I just tried to encourage counseling.
As of this past weekend he has decided to separate and move out and we are seeing Lawyers this week. He is walking out and ultimately wants a divorce. He doesn't believe people can change, he says he has been unhappy for awhile now, he says it has nothing to do with the OW, which I know she isn't the cause of his unhappiness but she is now part of the problem as I don't think my husband would leave me and our girls without trying to work on the marriage if she wasn't in the picture.
He is going to try to stay with friends but I'm sure he'll be staying with her some too - so he isn't getting his own apartment yet but I'm sure this is the next thing.
The counselor has determine he is depressed and has had some of these negative issues probably off and on his whole life. My H is in denial and doesn't want to and isn't ready to look at himself yet. We moved into a new house a year ago, got pregnant with our second child right after we moved, he started the affair right after she was born and he is turning 40 in 3 weeks.
He is one of those guys if he moves out he won't look back... he has had no remorse, no guilt, and I don't even know the man I'm looking at today as the same man I've been with for the past 10 yrs.
I feel like it is too late to save, don't know what is left to do. Do I put on the happy face, fake it, and try to be nice? I've never been the insecure type, we both work and have good jobs, we both have our own hobbies and friends. I thought we balanced each other out... marriage was forever - so I thought.
I'm at a loss, I'm in this nightmare and this will be the hardest journey I've ever embarked on...
Please for anyone that has had success with a spouse who thinks it is over, doesn't want to work on marriage , seeing OW and can give me hope please do....
M 7yrs T 10yrs H 40yr old M 38yrs 2 girls; 3.5yrs & 4 months Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA- 8/23/08 Moving out 9/22/08 _________________________
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
