I am copying this from "Hello is this thing on" for Jayce...
OK, my 2nd step looks like his needs/wants are sleep, food, wine or beer, TV and apparently "a body" in the room with him and in the bed with him. (a teddy bear or body size pillow would have been cheaper) If sex with that particular body is on the list at all its at the bottom, after yard work, car wash, cat boxes, and whatever else he can think of after the food, nap, alcohol & TV.
This is guesswork based on many years of observation. He refuses to talk about his wants/needs except to tell me either that I need to be committed cuz I want sex more often than every 3 months (or never) and would love to do something other than the same old half hour or less OR to quit bringing up the subject and stop trying to "psychoanalyze me". That's his standard response to any question about his feelings...about any personal or intimate subject. I've read SSW and SSM as well as Getting Through to the Many You Love. Read about low libido & causes, dysfunction and causes. Lots of really medical/scientific stuff. Got the Big T checked, not bad but not real impressive either. In process of other physical checking. Lots of conversation & bawling my head off. Once in awhile I get lucky. Very rarely will he initiate, then its after I'm so upset getting turned on is impossible. I truly believe he has no clue why I'm not waramed up. He gives no consistent signals, doesn't commit to a plan for later, just goes about being his usual enigmatic self. (He's Sicilian-American, is that Omerta at its worst?)I think he just loves being in the catbird seat & controlling what I get from him & what I don't. He says not, but how else to describe my feelings to him? He has steadfastly refused to read ANY books. Of ANY kind. I know he can't relate to my feelings cuz he doesn't care. I'm not sure he ever did. Was never a sex maniac by any means. His 2 brothers were notorious cock hounds, one while he was married! The medical issues that caused signs of dysfunction are fixable and partly fixed so far, but the lack of libido hasn't changed as far as I can tell.
I think as he's aged, he just wanted to avoid the whole thing especially if it meant talking to the Dr. Embarassing? Man up! How can a "loving husband" arbitrarily decide MY sex life ie over cuz he's not willing to learn anything new, change, get treatment? How fair is that?
If there is some guy out there whose wife is sex starved & bugging him, please tell my what the heck is going on in your head? I'll never find out from my guy if he won't talk. Help me to understand, please.
Me-66 H-60 m 29 yrs all got worse june '08 divorce not an option Don't you dare laugh about our ages! Comin' to you like a fast freight train. Guess I shouldn't have tried to stay healthy and able.
