Expecting Too Much Too Soon

[AliSuddenly]

Wow Jen...

Xh tells me that I don't think enough about how others feel and when I feel like acting a certain way I don't think how others might feel.

What strikes me about this Jen is HE IS TELLING YOU WHERE YOU ARE GOING WRONG ! In his eyes anyway. Thats a gift. If you dont agree with him, then I dont see how you can own your changes. In fact, you have to want to change for you and not just to get him back. It sounds to be more what he generally saying is, that you can be a bit selfish? A bit egocentric? Only you know if this is the case and whether you need to change.But you cant just say "I'll stop it" you have to actually CHANGE!

I realised tonight that I hadnt made the changes I should have made months ago, when it could have made the difference...But he is clearly telling you a reason why he isnt coming back yet..my ex never said anything to me like this, he just said, its me, not you.. so I had nothing concrete to go on. I would have done all I could to face my issues, if he had pinpointed any.

Also..."what's NLP?" - its Neuro Linguistic Programming - its how to think differently, not in the same old unhelpful, destructive patterns. You can use a 'device' to help you break the cycle of bad habits.. make a sign that makes you feel comfortable, or wear a bracelet or something, but think about how you WANT to be in a certain sitch when you hold it and then wear it in that sitch.., anything to take you out of your usual stuck mindset. e.g. I used it on a plane, as I was always scared of flying. I wore a favourite bracelet given to me on holiday and then I thought of that time and place when I was calm and happy, whilst on the plane.

But hey, he is still in regular, qualuty contact with you, so you are clearly doing stuff right !

Ali xxx