Since you are Christian, I would love to give some advice from my experience, I mean advice from another brother.
First, you FOCUS on God! I mean really "focus". You will find the WAY to complete healing. I'm not saying I'm healed completely but I feel that only God can do. Healing is long process and you have go through a lot of mountain such as depression, loneliness, forgiveness and etc. Don't worry about future but only focus on the present in Jesus.
Second, you'll be changed once you understand what the words of God means. " Be anxious for nothing " The past of you will be gone and new you will be born! Be honest with yourself and you can start new life today.
Thirdly, make good friends who can support you without putting you down.
Lastly, do exercise daily basis if you can.
I'm still hurting pretty bad. I still dream my W and miss my family terrible. However, if I hadn't have this crisis, I would never have found my faith. And this ongoing pain allows me to grow in Jesus. So I'm really thankful for that. I hope your pain subsides and see the truth ASAP. I'll pray for you!
I don't think it's realistic to get her out of your mind and emotions for good, so I wouldn't plan on it. Time for a bit of introspection and self-discovery. It sounds like there are a few issues you and your WAW need to work on, but you can't control what she does/feels, so the responsibility falls on you and what you need to do to be less "screwed up" and an outstanding father. I think others would agree that your first step is to reconcile with your children. If you're not willing/able to be a good father, what expectations do you have of yourself as a spouse/committed partner? It appears to me from what you've written thus far that you might feel guilty for "abandoning" your children and 1st wife that you might have placed too much burden on your current WAW for your own happiness? Just a thought...only you know you best...
Work on what matters the most first, and everything will fall into place for you to figure out and tackle. I would highly suggest you getting a solutions-based therapist and commit (in your mind at least) to months, if not a year, of counseling. You might not need all of it, but understand that this will be a long and hard road to travel, so better you be realistic than hang on to the notion of a "magic bullet".
Growth is painful, so it's time to man-up and start hurting...
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
yes I am looking into therapy definately I have alot of issues to deal with, I do carry alot of guilt from the past, going to A.A. and church helps get a little of it out, to answer happysomeday I have really been focusing on my relationship with God, this whole set of circumstances has really made me do a 180, it's one trial after another, I know the outcome I would like but I had to put it in His hands at sit back and watch what he does, but at the sametime work on myself daily and yes growth is very painful and really hurts there isn't a day that goes by that I don't loose it but I am also very grateful that this has happened otherwise I would most likely still be drinking I hope I can be as helpful to others as you people have been to me it's always nice to come home and see that someone has responded
How are you doing? I'm doing ok but far from good. Someday I hope that I can say,'Lord, I'll take any trial with joy no matter how hard it is'. Right now, I'm thankful for this trial but I'm far from joyful. I wish It did end.
About guilty, I think EVERYONE who gets divorced feel guilty. For example, I regret really badly that I didn't show my love to my W everyday enough. I regret that I took our M for granted. I regret I was depressed with dealing with my two step kids. I could have been much much better husband and dad but I failed. Forgiving my W is very tough but forgiving myself is not easy either. I do believe that you can completely forgive someone(inclding yourself) once you've changed in Jesus and your heart is filled with love. At that point, we can let it go and can be free from those feelings.
I'm doing better had a good weekend with my kids thanks for asking guys, it is hard not being able to talk to her I can see her at work but can't talk to her, when I did talk to her all she tells me is how it's over, and how terrible I am well I am getting better and I don't want to here that junk, I am not the person I was when I was drinking and when we were together I haven't been angry in about two months, it is taking time though and I know I'm not close to being where I want, tonight at work for instance there is a guy who I used to consider a friend anyway the guy is the biggest player and I see him come up to her and talking and laughing and later saw the same thing he was one of the guys I dindn't want her around to adultery proof our marriage but here we go very, very hard to watch makes me want to get over her right now and move on if she would go out with himI would have no respect for her and it would be a complete slap in my face, but I am starting to realize that we don't share the same faith so maybe this is all for the best. when I can see them together and be like whatever, then I'll know I am getting better. I'll be praying for ya HS, and you 2 COG
Sounds like you're ready to detach from her and the situation. I hope you find a healthy and positive way of doing it. Let every step you take be a step forward.
For me, "letting go" also meant letting go of the anger. Hopefully one day soon you'll stop speaking about how your W is disrespecting you or how your W is affecting you negatively. I found that when I started to feel sorry for what my W is going through and actually pitying her, I knew that I was in control...of me.
Compassion breeds strength.
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
