Xh tells me that I don't think enough about how others feel and when I feel like acting a certain way I don't think how others might feel.
What strikes me about this Jen is HE IS TELLING YOU WHERE YOU ARE GOING WRONG ! In his eyes anyway. Thats a gift. If you dont agree with him, then I dont see how you can own your changes. In fact, you have to want to change for you and not just to get him back. It sounds to be more what he generally saying is, that you can be a bit selfish? A bit egocentric? Only you know if this is the case and whether you need to change.But you cant just say "I'll stop it" you have to actually CHANGE!
I realised tonight that I hadnt made the changes I should have made months ago, when it could have made the difference...But he is clearly telling you a reason why he isnt coming back yet..my ex never said anything to me like this, he just said, its me, not you.. so I had nothing concrete to go on. I would have done all I could to face my issues, if he had pinpointed any.
Also..."what's NLP?" - its Neuro Linguistic Programming - its how to think differently, not in the same old unhelpful, destructive patterns. You can use a 'device' to help you break the cycle of bad habits.. make a sign that makes you feel comfortable, or wear a bracelet or something, but think about how you WANT to be in a certain sitch when you hold it and then wear it in that sitch.., anything to take you out of your usual stuck mindset. e.g. I used it on a plane, as I was always scared of flying. I wore a favourite bracelet given to me on holiday and then I thought of that time and place when I was calm and happy, whilst on the plane.
But hey, he is still in regular, qualuty contact with you, so you are clearly doing stuff right !
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
About 95% of things that he says are true and I'd agree with. There are a few major things and a few minor things that need to be changed rather quickly. Some I've been too stubborn to change and others I've tried to change but didn't stick with these changes. I do know what I need to do so I will just do it. He told me a couple of years ago that I needed to stop talking about it and do it.
I know that there are so many positives in my sitch and I must be making you guys to want and come to Caracas with those 2X4s.
The NLP might actually help me quite a bit. I can wear a necklace that H gave me and whenever I touch it I can think of my goal.
He called at the same time I was going to call him to let him know I don't have class this evening. He was calling to see if I had class and to say he had to come up to print something off for his class tonight. He came up and was here for about 20 minutes; fixed an ice.cream scoop for me, printed his document, played with D, talked to me for a few minutes and left. I let him do his own thing, didn't ask any questions and thanked him for fixing the scoop
I'm such a dork! He is around so much and I have so many opportunities to show him little changes and I usually don't take advantage of these opportunities. I think this pm went well though.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Jen, I got a necklace with a cross on it. It's a cross that look like it should be on a knight's shield. I got it to remind myself to be honorable, noble and to be a warrior. I have literally bit it to keep my mouth quiet. It's visual, I can hear it move, I can feel it on my chest so it is a great reminder. Plus it was a bit mysterious for me to wear a necklace. Just made me that much more studly. Plus it's a whole less permanent than a tattoo for me. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
The necklace sounds very nice. I went looking for the little Tous bear necklace that xh put in my stocking last Christmas. I am wearing it right now. I think I may have to bite it at times or maybe even fondling in between my thumb and finger would work to remind me of the way things ahould be.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I just got a call from FIL to see how Ds first day of school went and to say hi to me.. I haven't seen/heard from him in about a week. He's the only one who is still in contact with me since MIL and SIL have kept their distance. It's fine as they have that choice.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I think you are getting it Jen. It is just a matter or getting it to change from "head knowledge" to "heart knowledge" I find that is the biggest dilema I have too. I can read books and articles and think "Duh! That's what I need to do" but actually making those changes and making them consistently is where I lose it a little.
Keep at it though! You'll get there. Make the most of every opportunity. Even the little ones!
Coach - I bet that necklace goes well with your 70s bell bottoms & your shirt only buttoned half way up your chest - right!!!! OOP!
Minor hijack Jen.
MsMel, And your tattoo is going to look how cool at your 60th B-day party? And they weren't bell bottoms they were flares. And I was a 80s guy BTW.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
