I guess it was a bit hard huh? I just wanted him to see D after her first day at school. Ok I guess if he could he would. I know him well enough that he wouldn't choose another person over seeing D.
I was actually doing what a Manipulative woman would do yeah I see it.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I just wanted him to see D after her first day at school.
I, I, I..(spoken like a true Aries!)..therein lies the problem? I dont know if it would help, but if you looked at some of the behaviours you do to him/or things you say to him.. imagine that was someone doing it to you, again and again and again.. how would it make you feel? (maybe you would like it, I dont know, maybe it would make you feel loved, cherished, needed, maybe the opposite??)
I think you need to do something like NLP..you need to reprogram your brain to stop seeing him as 'yours', he isnt, he is holding himself at a safe distance from you, watching your actions. Maybe you could do that technique of wearing a bracelet or something, that you can twiddle when you speak to him to remind you to NOT react in these old patterns?
Dont mind me poking you, I'm frankly just a bit green that you're still in the race! Big hugs to you, Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ali, what's NLP? Xh tells me that I don't think enough about how others feel and when I feel like acting a certain way I don't think how others might feel.
I don't mind the poking at all... You make me think. Thank you!
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
You know most of my childhood I wasn't held responsible for my actions/behaviours, my mother always made excuses much like she did for her own. I guess it's my chance to nip it.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Just to butt in here...I think you are in one of the best positions on this board even though you are not M anymore. Like Ali said though, you need to act like you are not M, just to let your XH see what this is like for awhile. You KNOW he loves you. You see him all of the time. He needs to realize that he's made a mistake but when you get irritable with him it is only going to reinforce in how own mind the thought that he did the right thing. Because you see him all of the time, I really don't think it would take that long for a big change in you to bring him to his senses! How long have you been able to DB for with no backslides? I've started ticking boxes on a calendar as it helps me keep a goal. My goal is now 30 days, at 23 to date...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Originally Posted By: JenInVen I guess I am getting my pee hot over nothing
I just spat coffee all over my keyboard. I've never heard that one before.
yeah that's a new one
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You're getting good advice here Jen. Ali hit the nail on the head in response to your "I just wanted him..." statement.
You really need to figure out how to let go of your desire to control his life. Why do you care if he sees D after her first day of school? I'll answer it for you. It's simply because you want to control what type of person he is, what he enjoys doing, what his priorities are, etc.
You gotta let it go sweetie, or you won't get anywhere when you have so much working for you in your sitch.
So maybe he gave you a BS answer about what he was doing today that made it so he couldn't see D after school. It was probably a defense mechanism to either 1) not hurt you, or 2) not have to deal with your reaction. Either way, there's only one thing you can do about it...and you know what that is. (hint: It has nothing to do with questioning his answer, or blaming him for anything, or anything to do with him...for that matter.)
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
