The changes since his return...well when he returned he was still pretty much a mess, drinking until he passed out, not taking care of his diabetes, moody, and depressed to the point of sobbing tears. He could not say he loved me because he said he honestly didn't love me but he wanted to love me again.
So first he hit bottom with the alcohol and went to rehab (out patient)...he had only one slip and that was 20 months ago...
Then he went for a complete physical and started taking better care of himself (he still doesn't follow a good diet but his meds keep his blood sugar stable).
He went for treatment for his depression which took some time to get the right meds and the right dosage...
He did make a final contact with OW after he was home but before he was on good meds for the depression. I think basically he was touching bases with her (via email) to make sure she was okay...she had moved on and was in a relationship with someone but agreed to keep in contact with H via email if he wanted to talk...I think he felt she was okay and was able to leave any guilt about her behind because to my knowlege he has never contacted her since.
About three months after his contact with OW, on our anniversary, he read me a bible scripture about love and then declared that he did inface feel love for me again...now mind you he had been home about a year at this point (slow progress)
He started taking his own spirituality seriously again, started reconnecting with his old friends, and started rebuilding his relationship with his kids (not in that order but you get the picture)
As time progressed he got over the drive to make lots of money and finally got a job he was okay with...for a long time the depression made it impossible for him to really hold a job...any pressure or stress sent him over the edge...but now he is much stronger and handles things pretty well.
He did inform me when he returned that he never really liked passionately kissing (news to me because he always was kissing me)...his affection is a bit more selective where before he woudl pat my bottom any time he felt like it...sex is good but not frequent like it was before he left but he does have some ED issues related to the meds, diabetes, and depression...
I can live with all of this...he is fun again, likes to do things with me and with the family...he doesn't isolate himself as he had been doing when he started into his MLC...he is very social...we can talk about most anything...although anymore I don't bring up OW because he told me he just really wants to forget about her and that time period in his life...they are not fond memories for him...
Valeria...it would be great if the MLC had an expiration date or any sort of guarantee...I think that is what makes it so hard on us...we don't want to wait for nothing...but we don't want to move on if there is a chance...and I think that is how they feel too when they through out those time lines of "give me a year", "well if it goes past 5 years I would say we are really done", "who knows in 10 years maybe we could remarry and be happy"....I think they want to know they can come back...even though they don't want to come back now...
