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Oh my last thread is locked, no real new updates today though :). I'm just trying to be MORE distant from H if that's possible, less interested in his IMs, i.e. 1 word responses, and less responsive to emails, i.e. ignoring them unless there is a real action required. I'll try that for a week and see how it works out!

ITH


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
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((((ITH))))

You are going to do great ITH!! Now it's going to be the hardest part trying to GAL. I am such a loser at this!! My days consist of work and then coming home to sit on the computer all evening..lol. On the weekend I usually try to come up with one or two reasons to get out of the house and depending on how busy my friends are I try to make plans with them...but trust me there are those weekends where I am comfortably on the couch proped up with pillows...laptop on the lap and remote control in the hand!!!

I will send positive vibes that DAM notices that you are pulling back. \:\)


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Thanks so much Sep,

I'm going to FORCE myself to the gym now. I have less than 30 days before returning to Dublin, so I am getting REALLY nervous. I am trying everything I can between now and then to get DAM to wake up and notice that I exist!!! \:\) I am not just a character in one of his video games...

Was just thinking again though how it was kind of funny that H said being married was like jail. I can actually laugh at that now, and then how he got all irritable when Jody was talking about what was it he DID want to focus on and he almost had a tantrum and said "I want to just live!" Just sounds like SUCH a child having a tantrum. I mean a rational man who just really wanted to end things would never say that marriage was like jail. It's not as if he was being abused in any way! And then how at the end of the conversation he was all demure asking did I not want to share my feelings. I know that I was REALLY upset about that conversation, but for some reason it's providing me a lot of amusement this afternoon...

I am very much thinking that something big is going to happen this week, not sure whether it will be another email, a tantrum, or what but an episode like that can NOT just be an isolated incident...

OK MAKING myself put on my gym clothes (all I really want to do is lay around and surf the net).

ITH


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
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Posts: 3,921
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Hi ITH, have fun at the gym ;\)

The "jail" and "I want to live" are just part of the script that they follow. Mine was like that too. Just try not to focus too much on it and you'll be ok.


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
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ITH,

I think you've taken some fantastic strides from the standpoint of starting to let him find his own two feet.

You do realize you're raising a kid now, right?

Now, what I have not noticed is mention of what you are doing for YOU.

What have you always wanted to do, or lost doing in the shuffle?

Me - I always thought about learning a martial art, so I started one and loved it. So much so that I'm about to continue studying via video since I moved 360 miles away from the Master.

I picked up my guitars. I majored in classical guitar in a past life. I missed playing. I enjoy it so much. And sometimes, I'm pretty good. My daughter loves when I play too.

So, what loves have you lost over time?

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Hi BH and Jen,

BH you're right. I have not done anything for me beyond going to the gym and journaling obsessively. The gym actually IS a big deal for me right now though. I finally have that "6-pack" of abs I've always wanted! I know I am blaming a lot on being here in Poland, but it's true, I literally have no money to go anywhere/do anything! That said, what I think I would like to do when I get back to Dublin is to start hiking, even if it's by myself. Wine is another obsession, but I don't want to drink much under the same roof as H (assuming we're there) as he feels that drinking had put him in a fog. I like cooking a lot too, and this is something that I can do back in Dublin, with or without H around. I can also spend more time with our dogs, take them on long walks etc. I like the analogy of raising a child. This is EXACTLY what it feels like when we talk on the phone, which is rare. It happens on IM too sometimes when he loses his temper. Anyway oh how I hope he gets some kind of clue in the next month at least to the point where he realizes again that I am not exiled here indefinitely! I bet that if I waited him out, was here for 6 months, he would never once ask when I was coming home as long as nothing changed with the finances...

Jen, good to hear that you have heard the same script. It is sadly reassuring in a way. It is just so ridiculous though. I mean even had I wanted to leave my H, I cannot imagine saying such childish things...especially to the counselor on a joint session!

OK REALLY going to the gym now even though its dark and cold out and I have to walk...:(

ITH


Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years
Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be
S 07/28/08-11/08/08
Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 3,921
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ITH!!! How about Free activities...concerts in the park, wine tasting (is cheap), volunteering to teach English that sort of thing


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
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ITH - It's great that you are thinking ahead of things that you want to do for yourself once you return home but you need to some things for yourself now too!!! And oh boy do I know how hard it is to do when you are broke as I am too!!! LoL

I know you are in Poland but is there someplace there you can go hiking, or a nice walk. Do they ever have any festivals or fairs where you can just walk around for a bit. That's why I enjoy my little arts and craft fairs so much..they are usually free admission and I enjoy just walking around looking at all the stuff even if I can't purchase anything.


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How about a hash like I joined here in Venezuela. It's a great way to meet ex-pats.


Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
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Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*

The end of the DB road
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