Thanks GG, I think I can do it. I've really been tired of my sitch lately and am to the point where I don't care which way it goes right now...I just want something to change. I'd obviously not choose D, but if that's what H wants then I can't do much to change his mind anymore.
H did email me this morning letting me know he feels like he's losing it with work and losing all control in his life. I feel bad for him but I feel the same way too, like I don't have much control over things. I want to let him be to figure things out, but I want to be a good person towards him too. It's confusing to me.
The weekend was nice. D and I went to WI to the family summer home and had the big annual picnic. I won $25 in Bingo (WOOHOO!!) and D had fun with her cousin. I was sad on the way there thinking that this is now H's 3rd year he's missed this but tried shaking that off right away. Yesterday was errand day and then we came home and I planted mums in the flower bed thing that's attached to the building. D misbehaved soooo badly last night I was ready to cash in my MLC!
I am glad you won some $$$--every little bit helps.
Wish I could plant some flowers but it is still too hot here. I may attempt it in a month or two.
Do you have the book, Power of a Praying Wife Book of Prayers? It is a pocket-sized book with prayers that I just love. I know you can find these items used at some online stores as well. There are prayers for different topics--his job, his faith, etc.
I know we all feel down at times, (believe me I know!)and this is when we have to be vigilant and keep praying. It is a hard road we are on.
I am sorry your D behaved so badly.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I don't have the pocket book. I did have Power of Praying Wife book that C lent to me and I made copies of alot of the prayers in it. I do own Power of Praying Through Difficult Times in Your Marriage (or something like that) and I pray those prayers daily before bed.
D's behavior is getting worse and worse. I makes me want to spank her sometimes, but I don't believe in hitting a child since I was an abused child. I don't see the point in hitting a kid to make them listen better. She's already been moved in her class to be by herself instead of with the pods of desks for her talking and constantly rolls her eyes and sasses me, has temper tantrums like a 2 year old, etc etc. I know this probably sounds like a piece of cake though compared to a unruly 17 year old S, but still it's ridiculous either way.
As for H, not really sure what to do about that one. I just pray but I don't know if it's being heard.
No matter what the age, kids can be unruly. They are harder to handle the older they are as so many temptations are put in front of them and they are able to do things an 8 year cannot do.
Can you put her in timeout? What is it, the age of the child is how many minutes they are in timeout?
Your prayers are being heard but this is not on "our" clock as you well know.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hey FG, my son is 7 and the last few months he has been testing my patience as well. I have tried everything with him including calling his dad and letting him talk to him.
My son and my daughter fight constantly lately, its tearing my nerves up as well. I just would love to have one whole weekend to myself with NO kids or H or anything!!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
EXACTLY Kissak! I called H last night asking him to call to talk about D due to her tantrum on the neighbors front lawn but he never called back. I asked him about it in today's email and he said he never got it and is having alot of problems with his phone again. But yea, it's terribly aggrevating! I don't want to call H and bother him with these things either, but sometimes enough is enough you know? I pray to be a better mom and to give me more patience with her, but it's hard when she acts like this.
So what is up with this calling the absent spouse to help you deal with the children? They have checked out, yanno. I understand that it is frustrating and that everyone needs a break once in a while but these people are not interested in the day to day occurrences within the family unit. You are it. You are the responsible party. You have to find ways to deal with the children. No, it's not fair. Then again, no one ever said that life would be fair, did they?
Sit down with the children and discuss acceptable behaviour and the consequences if they don't behave. Make a chart that shows them your family rules. Make the rules age appropriate and be sure to include rewards for improvements. By involving them it helps them to become aware that they are indeed responsible for themselves and how they act and react. Discuss scenarios and how to solve problems so that they have something to fall back on when they get into situations that might trigger unacceptable behaviour.
If you need some time off find a friend who wouldn't mind trading child-sitting. Pay a teenager a few bucks and a bag of doritos to play with them for an hour. Go to the library during story hour and relax while the children are being entertained.
For the record I don't think I have had an entire weekend all to myself more than once or twice in the 6.5 years since my X made himself scarce. I have lived to tell the tale and I have made it a habit to capitalize on those moments when I do find that I am alone.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I thought about this briefly after I posted, and you're right. I (we) shouldn't contact H/W about the kids behaviors, etc. They, unfortunately, don't want to deal with this even though it should be part of their day to day responsibilities. Yesterday I was at a breaking point and couldn't do anything else besides call. At least I know calling doesn't help. or really So anyway, yes, D told me this morning that rules on the walls with help her too so that's what we'll be doing this week. Fun Fun!
It's difficult FG with kids. Try not to burden your h with this. I know I have tried and it hasn't worked with my h. I found the neighbor girl next door to babysit. I pay her $5 per hour for 2 kids.
Believe me keeps my sanity. Yes we all know that our spouses should be helping with this, but they are checked out at this time.
Shew gives some good advice. I also give my kids choices. You can either stop this behavior or you will be going to bed 1 hour ealier or whatever you see fit. No TV, etc whatever will have the most impact on your D.
Key is to be consistent and do what you say.
You may even impress your h with having such a well behaved D.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Okay, so just typing my thoughts but here's what gets me. Every time we talk, H says "I'll call you later today" but never ever does. Never. Even after he and I had a minor talk a couple weeks ago, he said that he's going to work on this marriage, go to C, etc. He's never called me once since. Just emails, tm and nothing big. Why does he say one thing and do another? AND, why can he commit himself soooo much to his job, but not to me or D8??? We're at least more fun than work!
