Thanks glam, breton, peace, na and Cinders-
I saw quite a bit of my H this weekend. My kids had games all weekend so he came to most of those. Saturday night we went to a movie and dinner...he stayed over. \:\) My D had games Sunday morning so I left H at the house (he says he is trying to get more comfortable here) and he met up with me at the games later. After that he went to the office for awhile and then came back to my house. We went for a walk and then when we were just relaxing, we got into a discussion...a long R discussion.

I think we talked for more than an hour. It is so weird...my H seems to vacilate between blaming me and blaming himself. Last night was more about blaming me. He talked about how, during our M, I didn't listen to him and how I expected him to do what I thought he should do. I listened and validated as much as I could but it is so difficult to do because your natural instinct is to explain yourself. I am lucky because my H has started to consider my feelings at times and at the times I do try to explain myself, he will listen. I did tell my H last night that I can't live in limbo forever and I started to tell him that I thought we need to figure this out soon...like before his work schedule gets crazier (he has quite a few upcoming trials) and before the holidays. I stopped myself from saying it but my H told me to tell him so I did. He said he was glad I told him how I felt.

My H seemed to think the whole conversation was very positive. He kept telling me that this is the first real one-on-one conversation we have had in over 19 months. I think he still has doubts that I really understand what he is telling me and that I am willing to accept him for who he is even though I have demonstrated to him that I do. Interestingly enough, my H told me that he will "fight" with me now rather that just stuff his feelings...so if that is true, that would be progress.

I told my H a couple of times last night that the main thing I have learned through out this ordeal is that we need to appreciate what we do have rather than dwelling on what we don't. I was hoping that might sink in with my H but I am not sure it did.

We will see if the conversation was helpful. My H has IC tonight...so my hope is that the C can reinforce that our relationship has changed...that I have changed and that I am willing do the work. I see that my H has been willing to do the work to a point but will he be willing to go the rest of the way? We shall see.