All I remember was the relief I felt when he finally spoke about how miserable he felt.. that we could finally deal with things.
I had that same feeling of relief that W was talking openly.....
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
I admire all the folks who project that life is wonderful around their spouses
It is really hard, but gets easier the more you do it and the more time that passes...
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
I have to change my "this sucks, I can't believe this is happening, you hurt me" mindset.
YES. It is very critical to do this ASAP!!! You are a strong woman and you need to Focus on all the good in life. If I start letting HER get me down, I recall the good things that are happening in my life right now. Focus on the good and be able to pull that emotion out anytime. If I need to smile, I pull up recent event that have made me feel good and I smiled.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
Today my daughter and I went to open houses.
It sounds like you had a great bounding experience!
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
We were animals..
Quote:
...a condo which was really the best of the lot though I'm not sure I could afford it
Not sure how the laws work in your state, but I Think the more expenses you show on the financial the better...(at least right now). You being in the marital home right now should be good for that...
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
...It was neat to have her with me and know she was learning how to assess things in a potential home beyond it looking cute and if the biggest kid room was pink...
It sound like it was a good feeling having her work with you on this
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
...Afterwards, we had a late lunch..
Tell me every GOOD detail about the lunch (Bullet list would be great!!)
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
.. we did some research on Zillow...
Zillow is great!
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
..I was relieved to hear it wasn't just me...[/qoute]May help you sleep tonight..... [quote=Gypsy]..I really didn't think about him at all...
WAHOO!!! GAL girl!
I am proud of you Gypsy! It sound like you had a great day...
*HUGS*
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Gypsy-- Sounds like you had a great day with your D. I hear you on the "little piece dies" with contact thing. I don't know if I will ever be able to wrap my brain completely around what he has become. All I know is that it is better when we don't see each other or talk.
I think I had such a great day because I drank so much water, along with having the company of my daughter.
Lunch was:
Patty melt, no fried onions French fries I salted but didn't eat A few bites of coleslaw Two floppy pickle spears I waved and put down Splurge of ketchup Two napkins, one to fidget with another to use Dessert.. great conversation with my daughter
After reading Ready's thoughts I'm thinking.. It's what I'M becoming, it's what I'M doing positively about my life.. it's about ME, MY perceptions. I've spent far too much time living for his approval (something I DID). Time for mine!
Last night I received an email he sent to his lawyer and copied me that said my lawyer didn't have the right to tell ' his wife ' not to talk about finances with him.
Say whaaaaaaaaaaat?
I've played with a few thoughts and emails:
"In the future refer to me by name or as the mother of your children."
"You are not my husband, I am not your wife."
"Uhhh buddy, you're living with someone else you were with while with me, you're actively divorcing me, you barely see the kids, you're paranoid I'm shopping too close to where you live.. are you crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy calling me 'your wife'?"
I was away most of the weekend but I read what you wrote about your first house and it really struck a cord.
My first house was 1/2 the house I have now, but it was quaint and homey, and we were happy there. I mourned for that life for a longtime after we moved here. Of course for me it was another huge move which took me from NJ to Illinois. So that in itself was hard. I never have been any good at saying goodbye, but you do what you have to do.
There have been many times since this whole thing started when I wondered, what if? What if we had never moved, and ex had never had to travel and be away from us so much? Would that have made the difference? I guess I'll never know the answer to that, but I still have all of those great memories of bringing 2 of my kids home to that house and knowing without a doubt, that for that period in our lives, we were extremely happy!
I really don't have any advice on to e-mail and set your delusional husband straight or to leave it alone. From my vantage point I'd say let it go, but when I was where you are, I don't think I could have!
Letting go, accepting change are good skills to learn, something this divorce is forcing (hopefully). He traveled a lot too, at times extensively or worked phenomenal hours which he rarely felt was too much.
I'm looking at the prospect of half the house, one third as nice as what we have now for roughly the same house payment.
It really doesn't matter what I say or write to him on a personal level.. so I'm not gonna do anything. No need to let him know what could bug me.
Gypsy - Good choice in not responding. It sounds like his buttons are being pushed because he is upset that he cant talk fiancial stuff with you. His demand that your L cant recommend things to you shows that he is worried. The financial things are best left to the L's.
Nice to meet you and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Maybe part of all this transition is thinking what I say matters. In a marriage it does, there's an obligation to hear even if you're not listening. It's so hard yet so crucial to learn how to step out of the box of 'us', step out of the container of the 'hurting me' and look dispassionately at the situation.
Priorities changed for one or both.
Dis-ease ensues with priorities the focus usually shifting more from the relationship to the family, the job, nurturer, provider.. to what's familiar, what you're good at.
Distress increases as the gap widens as their functions become separate but still in the umbrella of family.
Disgust bubbles as dis-ease and distress roil. You're held together by the beliefs that bind you, not by the foundation that built you.
Distraction seeps in.. at first innoncuous then sweeping. The glue of the relationship on one or both sides starts to weaken.
Entitlement enters. No more feeling of two being one, just one alone with the adversity of their marriage. The foundation's eroded, added by escape; the family unit burnt by the new searing need inside.
