Raising 3 happy, healthy children into successful, considerate adults. That was one of my main goals in life. I worried how the divorce might affect them. 7 years later - let's take a look.
Ryan, severely disabled following a viral encephalitis at age 4.5. He is now 29 years old. Lives here at home with me. Is looked after 12 hours per day by personal support workers. He is healthy and happy. Yes, I lost the handicapped accessible home we had built for his comfort but the new house has plenty of room for him and I recently added an elevator to improve his accessibility (he had limited mobility on stairs) and to keep his workers out of the main part of the house. YEAH - I have my house back!
Brandon was 19 and about to start his first year of college when his dad suddenly left. He changed schools to stay home and help me. And he was incredible! Lived at home the next 2 years, being like a dad to his sis and helping with Ryan. He graduated from hotel management and started a career in the business. After a couple of years he decided to get a second education and spent another year at a private recording arts school. He then moved to Toronto and is currently working in the business. Big plans at present are his annual wilderness camping/canoe trip with friends. They'll spend before and after at the cottage and move on to Algonquin for a week.
Ashley became a teenager the day after 9-11. Her dad had just moved out. What a devestating way to begin that tough phase. We've had our ups and downs together. Many extreme highs - she is a talented girl full of life and ambition. And many extreme lows - what teenage girl isn't a basket of emotions and hormones. Never a dull moment. Agony, stress, you name it. And of course, wanting the best for her - I feel everything that she feels a thousand times over. Lately she has been working with Ryan (yes she gets paid) and has cared for him at night while I have been away (for which I am grateful and also compensate her). She is starting her first fulltime job today at a tech support call in center, making good money and will finish her college courses online this year (she only needs 4 more credits to graduate). She still plans to further her education in the field of nutrition out of town next year.
So, all in all - 3 kids have survived the Big D along with me. Affected by it? Oh yes - majorly. But letting them figure out how to handle situations as they arose and offering them unconditional love and support with access to counselling as needed has worked for us. This is not the family life I had planned for them - but I have done my best.
Communication with your kids is key. Listen when they need to talk. Leave them be when they don't. Email them, leave little notes, just remember how much you love them. They might pretend they don't like it or don't notice - but they need the support.
