This weekend was the 1st weekend with no contact from H. I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be though. I saw him get online a few times, and this made me feel content, just knowing he was OK.
This morning he reached out to ask about my weekend. I have been very short in my responses. H: How was your weekend M: Fine thanks, yours? H:Too much studying M: That's why you are such a good student (my one chance to praise) H: U R silly (something he always used to say to me).
Anyway I am just going to end the conversation there. There are a lot more things I would like to add in, but he can choose to talk to me or not at this point. As Jody said he does need to realize that I am a variable in this equation, an X not a constant :). He SHOULD think that the things he said about marriage being like jail have caused me to think. Maybe he has no clue as he does not seem to be living in reality but I suspect that he feels pretty guilty. Looking forward to seeing what other gems might come from him today (yes that's sarcasm).
Still trying not to panic about the next few weeks, but I have some BIG decisions to make. I am waiting for a flash of inspiration in the meantime in terms of what I should do next. I think by the end of this week I will have a clearer idea about what my next steps will be. I am definitely NOT giving up, am only thinking about Dublin and how I will approach this. As he is not living in reality, I really do not want to have a big conversation with him about me moving back. However I am not willing to give up the house again. I REALLY need to try and find a way for HIM to realize that the best way forward is to be under the same roof. He needs to retain complete control over everything, so it has to come from him. So far finances are the only thing that I can see having this impact on him, but he needs to realize this, not me. I am SO unsure about how to get him thinking here. The bottom line is that my stock money cannot pay for his tuition if it is going toward another apartment, but I need this to be conveyed without being manipulative or sounding vengeful.
One thing I thought of was sending him the budget and just pointing out how short we are, and asking for suggestions on the best thing to do with the stock money, making it his concern instead of mine. Something like--"I'd love your input on what you think we should do with this incoming money. What do you think the priorities should be?" That way HE can make some decisions and if there isn't enough left over for another apartment, this was his choice. What do you think?
Feeling really uninspired about anything else I can do here except for continue to wait around, and I am getting pretty tired of this.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
