I am glad you had a nice time and those steaks sound really good.
Try not to think about your H, if he hates you, etc. He doesn't know what he is thinking as his world/life have changed drastically in the last year. If this woman is a gold digger then she is probably pulling his strings and wearing the pants in that relationship. Wouldn't surprise me if he is afraid of her and does everything she says.
Like I said earlier, he is not the same person he was with you and it would make you feel worse if you did see him/talk to him now because of that.
Try and live your life one day at a time, surrounding yourself with people, things to do.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
N, I'm glad that you spent some time helping your parents out. They have been your strongest supporters throughout this ordeal. Dinner sounded delicious as well.
Maybe I can offer you a bit of insight into what your h may be thinking. They know, whether they want to admit it or not, that they are the guilty party that had the affair, ran away, etc., they really don't like themselves that much, but they can't understand why we would still hold out for love of them. What they do is set things in motion to show a different side of them, the anger, the gossip about what you did or didn't do, how unfair you were, etc., it's called demonizing the lbs. They ensure that people hear all of this in order to justify why they left and hooked up with someone who knows and understands them. The ball is then set in motion so that you will hear how they feel about you. The example rings true of your xbil and xsil. Your h doesn't or isn't ready to look within and face what he's done. He will some day, but the million dollar question will be...will he own up to it and admit it to all? Will he even attempt to work things out w/you? Most of them do creep back into the picture and want to be friends and go from there. Others, will drop hints in casual conversations w/others that they screwed up, but they won't try to reconcile, etc.
N, I want you to understand, it's not your fault he walked. It's not your fault he is w/the ow. He had issues within himself that he needs to deal w. Had he been a stronger person, he would have talked to you about things and he didn't do this. I want you to understand that what your h hates right now is the fact that you stood your ground to protect yourself. He doesn't hate you as a person. He will understand his hatred better as he moves along and gets royally screwed over by the ow.
There's nothing to scared about....life for you will be good again. It all takes time. You just need to put your love in a little box and store it on the top shelf of your closet for now along with all of the good memories. You now need to fly solo and continue learning each and every day. Whether he reconnects or not, that's out of your hands...only God will determine whether your h is ready to return or not.
Enjoy the time you spend w/your parents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi, NLT, Hope you are doing better today. I'm glad to hear that your parents have been so supportive. It seems to me that when we get some sort of crisis in our M, it can change our relationships with other people too. My mother and I always had a sort of tenuous relationship, even since I was in my teens--I think because we are so much alike that we rub each other the wrong way--but since the bomb, she has been just incredibly supportive and non-judgmental, and we haven't butted heads at all. It is a big improvement in our relationship.
Anyway, enough about me...no advice, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and following along in your sitch and sending you cyber-hugs!
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
I want to thank you all so much for posting to my thread & giving me such great support!!!!! You don't know how much all of you, your opinions, your prayers, advice & just to say you are thinking about me & sending me cyber hugs really means to me I assure you I don't take it lightly!!!
I do feel some better today. I'm sorry I didn't post last night, I went to visit an aunt that is 88 years old, she has been so worried about me since all of this has happened, she just loved my H & can't believe all of this. Anyway, when we got home, my parents & I played cards & then I was so tired that I didn't get on the computer. I helped them a lot today, I gave their dog a bath, they really can't do it & then helped them move some things. So, I got home today rather late & that is why I haven't posted sooner. You are so right, my parents have been there for me the whole time. My Mom is still just so upset about all that has happened. She gets so mad every time she things about what he has done to all of us.
I'm still praying & I do feel a peace. It may be over but I still don't feel like it is. But all of you are right, I don't want him back right now the way he is.
nlt: How far do your parents live from you? It is nice that they are able to drive to be with you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
They live about 2 1/2 hours away from me, in my home town. They would love it if I would move back home or at least in the same town. I have thought about it but right now I'm just not ready.
It is nice that we can drive to see each other all the time. I was afraid that I wouldn't have any gas to get there but they have gas there, we are out here.
Yes, my H walked in from work one night, we sat down for dinner & I was telling him about my day, I was very happy & excited. He said I hope you will be happy, I said what are you talking about. He said we have to talk, he said "I want a divorce". I never saw it coming!!!
I can't remember if I said this earlier in my post about what my exSIL said, but I'll repeat. She said that the OW rushed him into everything, divorce, quitting his job, him moving to another state & marrying her. She said that she saw that he was vulnerable & moved on it quickly. She said she wanted him away from here & away from me cause she felt like he would come back to me if she didn't move quickly. I honestly think that if we would have had a cooling off period instead of rushing divorce & also would have gotten couseling none of this would have happened. Too late for if's, and's or but's now. I hope one day!
My parents are such a blessing, they are wonderful!!!!
