Ah, sorry, I must have confused you and your situation with someone else, me maybe :0
Well as for the hard time of things, when things get really bad, a shot of whiskey in the evening seems to help, but, I haven't found anything else to do much good.
i used to drink alot more when I was younger but now I don't need to numb my pain....at least not yet.
I had that "confrontation" with the wife....mano a mano. Without going into too many specifics, she did admit to seeing this chap from Mexico on four occasions....whatever, the number is not important. I was very calm and in a nutshell I told her that i can not believe that she put herself in the situation and threw away 10 years of her life for a guy she has no future with (her words not mine). She seemed almost embarassed and was very repentant...she has not been "nice" to me in the last 1.5 years etc...i deserve someonne better than her.....yada yada yada.
For some reason I feel better tonight. She left with D7 knowing that the cat is out of the bag and that she effed up. She tried to come up with all kinds of excuses related to why...her sister passing away etc. I did not buy any of it....if everyone who has difficulties in their life goes out and loses it by flying to Mexico every two months, the airline industry would rebound to pre 911 days.
The guilt was palpable which is new....but bottom line is that W is not as tough as she lets on. As far as listening and validating, I did none of that....she had to do the listening and believe me there was alot to listen to.
She seemed almost embarassed and was very repentant...she has not been "nice" to me in the last 1.5 years etc...i deserve someonne better than her.....yada yada yada.
I have heard this same thing from my W. I am taking her up on it and plan to find someone better than her in the future.
It probably is good that you had this talk for a more concrete closure. You probably will never understand, just as I, how someone can throw away something that seemed so good. I believe there may be some behavioral similarities with Lemming's in migration and WAW's.
You probably will never understand, just as I, how someone can throw away something that seemed so good.
I don't find it that hard to live with not understanding how she can walk away from me. Trying to understand how she can shatter the kids' world, that is much tougher.
Oooh! Oooh! Me too on the find someone better challenge.
Woke up pretty early.....guess what the first thing on my mind was.....need to occupy my mind during the waking hours but it is tough to do when the first thing that pops up in your head is your XW....I need to refer to to her that way.....even though technically it is really STBXW. I have a few goals for this week....get the house on the market ASAP and hire a lawyer. I have let this go long enough.....may as well put an end to this and protect myself financially. Although XW seems pretty repentant today, with that thing on her shoulders not functionning at 100%, who knows. I am not angry....although i have every right to be. I just want all this behind me...like kerry said above...get some closure. I can remain friendly etc....i would like to get to a point where the only thing that links XW and myself is D7....NOTHING else. I will do this slowly , civily and hopefully with a smile on my face. I have all the details i need, regarding the last 1.5 yrs....it is time to man up accept what has happened ....stop dwelling on the why. A couple of thoughts regarding some of your comments. I honestly do not think that WASs worry too much about the kids. If they do , I have heard from XW and others on these boards...stuff like....they will get over it. 50% of the kids today come from broken homes etc. This type of thinking erases the guilt in their minds. Finally on the better front, I will be hard pressed to find someone better than the pre Mexico XW.....as far as the recent XW (or what she has let herself become / because yes it is a CHOICE)finding someone better will be very easy.
I think that I would agree with you that they rationalize that the kids will be OK. I wonder how people from divorced homes reconcile. That's part of the reason that I've tried so hard, I remember being part of two divorces.
I wish you all the best as you work your way through this process.
Just spoke to W.....It seems like she is on the edge of a major crash. Her assistant quit this morning and on the homefront, things are not as easy as they were when good old Johnny boy was waiting at home with D7 and supper on the table (sorta speak). Reality sure has a way to sneak up on you. Since I show my love / friendship with acts of service, I did offer to help any way i can. Call me an idiot but that is the type of person i am. Yes i know the book would say to possibly let her be, but i am not trying to win her back, just trying to help out a friend (albeit a not too honest one) who is in need. Remember what I said about nice guys.....her I go again setting myself up to finish last.
holy cow...I have been reading all this for a couple days. I have done nothing lately but think about how these WAS have absolutely never considered the consequences for their actions. How could what she has chosen been a better option? It clearly is not.
However...never let yourself think that nice guys finish last....they may not push to the front of the line as fast, but in the end...they finish first. keep your head above water and soon all this crap will go down the drain. let her spin out of control. I think it will give you more strength in the end.
Maybe I don't know anything but I would worry that she might turn that guilt back at you and change it to anger. Be careful that she might try to blame you for all of this. Don't take it personally. MLCs lash out and don't like to accept responsibility for their own actions.
As for doing things to help out a friend, do what is right for you. Don't worry about finishing last. Worrying about being the person you want to be. That's what makes you special.
Don't let it get you. Focus finding those things that make you happy.
