Here I am....real life and all.

[Lissie]

Have a great weekend Sugar!

[lodo]

Hi Sara,

I know how you feel - XW wants to be friends too but if I tried doing that, I just know I won't heal properly.

I haven't reached bitter yet, but I can feel it coming.

Take care of yourself! lodo

[No Longer BH]

I am finding that when the WAS wants to be friends, it keeps further healing from happening (unless you are already completely over them). My STBXH keeps swooping in and wanting to be Mr. Nice Guy. It keeps me trapped, it keeps me longing, it keeps me hoping and not healing. Sara, you need to do what feels right for you. Has your XH grown from this journey? No. Has he tried to prove to you how he can be a better person to you? No. He is now lost once again and is just falling back to you because it easier than doing the real work of growth. Dont let him use you that way. YOU have grown and found yourself. YOU did the work to find happiness without destroying anyone along the way. You do not need his kind of love. If he was to get his life together and then want to work on re-establishing a relationship with you, then and only then would I consider it. Personally, I do not see your XH as the kind of person to do that though. After all, he expected you to do his OW laundry at times...who would do that!!! You are so much stronger and better off now.

Bt the way, maybe I will join your Divorce Recovery group. Is it in Alton or St.Louis? (I've moved back from Columbia now. Yeah me!)

[Starshyne]

Did I tell you all that when XH came to get his chair several weeks ago he was wearing my Old Navy flag shirt? Did he do that on purpose just to stick it to me again?

He still has a bunch of crap in my garage. It has been over 2 months since he had to be out of the house by law. How long before his stuff is legally mine and I can take it and do whatever I want with it? I feel like he is holding onto this stuff in my garage because he knows this is the only way we communicate. Once everything is moved out, I will have no issues whatsoever in which to talk to him ever again. He wants to talk to me. I know he wants me back.

I still miss him deeply. I still cry at night sometimes just because I miss the man I married. I miss doing all of the things we always did together and the jokes we shared. I don't know if I ever will truely get over all of this. Sure I can move on and move forward, but I am not too sure about really getting over it. I don't know.

Still have issues with sleeping. I was hoping that by re-doing the bedroom and getting a new bed, things would be better. It isn't. Sometimes I can't sleep because I am reliving the everything that happened on May 19. Every word, every action....plays over and over in my mind like a movie. I try to think of the parts that I can't remember. I try to think what I could have or should have done differently. I don't want to have to relive that...I want to sleep. Anyone have experience getting over the major event?

[Starshyne]

Know what else? I am still struggling with the time factor. I found out about the affair in January and was divorced by July. I think I moved too fast. But I keep reminding myself that the affair itself wasn't the reason why I divorced. The reason was because he wouldn't leave the house and that was the only way to get him out...divorce. Most couples have a time of seperation before the divorce and I never had that. He never physically left. And so I had no real choice in the matter... I know all of this, but why do I feel like I moved too fast?

[klm]

((((Sara))))

I have struggled with the time factor myself. I felt like we were back on track. Heck, we were talking about moving back in together. Then I found OW#2 hiding and I filed days later, a month after that it was final. I have only seen him a couple of times since then. Just seems like it went fast, but I did what I had to do.

As far as his stuff in the garage...if there was a date set in the D papers and he hasn't gotten it, then I would say it is yours. If you want to be nice you could tell him he has until a certain date to get the remaining things or they will be donated to good will. You really need to break this final tie with him to be able to move on.

Try not to think about that day in May. I have the same problem...two dates, the date I found out he was living with OW#1 (worst night of my life), and the date that I found OW#2 hiding in his apartment. Sometimes I go over what happened in my mind and it literally makes me sick. I have just learned to immidiately do something to take my mind off of it. It does me no good to dwell on it.

Hang in there sweetie.

Are you still keeping busy? Still seeing the guy from HS??

[MichelleLT]

If you want to be nice you could tell him he has until a certain date to get the remaining things or they will be donated to good will.

I second this. He's essentially abandoned his personal property. I'd say it's yours, especially if you give him notice.

Legally, two things must occur for property to be abandoned: (1) an act by the owner that clearly shows that he or she has given up rights to the property; and (2) an intention that demonstrates that the owner has knowingly relinquished control over it. (1) can be satisfied just by leaving it somewhere. (2) would be satisfied if he didn't come pick up his stuff in response to your note.

As for the rest, time will help. It really does get easier.

((((((Sara))))))

[LL44]

Hey girl.

Can you get a few great entertaining books to read at night in bed, to keep your mind off things? I have to do that, or my brain goes into overload and I can never sleep. HUGS!

I feel like I am moving TOO fast as well, but my friend, I have no choice either. Your H had time to turn things around, except instead (like mine) of doing that, they were selfish and stayed around without wanting to do the work.

[Starshyne]

Thanks for the nice words. I am just having a rough day all around today. I am not totally sure why but I have. Been thinking about exh a lot and just missing what I used to have with him. I am sure it will pass and I know that I an expect to have these feelings now and then. It is all part of this process, but it doesn't make it much eaiser.

I am keeping very busy. I am going Saturday with my Mom to see the final Broadway Production of Rent at a movie theatre. I LOVE the musical Rent. I was going to go alone, but my mom said she wouldn't mind going with me. Then next Saturday I am going to a Beatles event and see Pete Best in concert.

My church has ladies night twice a month called Dinner and movie where they supply a meal and we watch a chick flick and talk about it. That has been fun and has given me a chance to meet some girls from the church. While I have been going there for well over a year, we never were involved much.

And yes I am still see the guy from HS. He came over last weekend and put together a chair that I bought for me. He is really nice and keeps me laughing. We typically chat of an evening for an hour on im. Actually I think we have talked at least once a day since we first met. I am finding that I really do like this guy and wish that I could get over my issues. But I am not going to rush things. The HS guy understands where I am and isn't in a hurry either.

Sara

[klm]

Hey Sara, just wondering how you are doing.