Crazy night ensues....out later than we should have been...closeness, talking...home to ML. During the night while talking I get one of those...."how come no body we know likes the same food we like, or beer we like...or music we like??...how come nobody 'gets it' like us??"....WTF?
This is huge! She sees how you two make a special couple. If she got stuck on a deserted island you'd be who she'd pick. She's commenting on how well you mesh together.
Then on Thurs she pulled back a little, all the women say this is normal. Your work is paying off. Just stay consistent. Cheers
ps Forrest - my W sent me a txt this week that said: I want to do the work to be married to you. Do the work, baby!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
This is huge! She sees how you two make a special couple. If she got stuck on a deserted island you'd be who she'd pick. She's commenting on how well you mesh together.
Yup, we would be great until all the vodka was gone, then she would remember how much she still hates me...lol.
Seriously...that is a comment we make to each other often. We are by no means gourmet cooks, nor do we eat at 5 star restaurants, but we enjoy times that revolve around cooking, eating, drinking good beer and wine, and listening to music.
These are connections that we have always had, and that when she first dropped the bomb were my priorities to rekindle...in addition to the changes in the way I treat her and being involved in the everyday chores around the house.
Just want to put a period on last night and forget about it. Thanks for checking in you guys.
I know....same old story with me. Have some things I would like to write, but pretty busy at work today.
Last night...did not go to bed as planned. Called a friend, he picked me up and we went out for beers...had way too many.
Wife texts around midnight to see where I am, so I screwed around with her a little and she got pissed at me....3 texts...you still have not told me where you were or are!!!
Got dropped off and I was pretty buzzed...went in to bed and really pushed her buttons I guess...don't remember, but she threatened to go sleep on the couch, but didn't.
Woke up this morning feeling pretty stupid and told her. She told me to check the texts so I could see what a jerk I was.
Came out of the shower and she was ironing my clothes????
Sent her a text this morning to say sorry about last night....she says "whatever".
I tell her to stop being a sh**head and she texts back "grrrr...stop already"....called her to bug her some more and had her chuckling just a little by the end of the conversation.
Tonight she wants me to pick up sushi on the way home(by the way, we have not ONE friend that likes sushi..not one).
Tomorrow after work is her brother's birthday party...I asked her if she wanted some company and she said "you can come"....gee thanks..lol.
So who's really doing the cycling here - you or her?
Honestly, from what you wrote, I don't see her cycling. Perhaps a bit inconsiderate not to touch base with you tonight, but the rest of the week? I don't see cycling.
Except in you.
And be careful about creating what you fear.
OK...maybe cycling is the wrong word, and maybe indeed it is me creating the cycle....creating what I fear. This week I could almost believe that.
Beginning of the week, close and relaxed...middle of the week a little distance, then Thursday, no contact and goes out for the evening without letting me know.
By you guys saying "be careful of creating what you fear", or "if you feel it they can see it", what I need to believe and work on myself is what I think I did this week.
I have been saying that there was this relaxed atmosphere...we had seemed to settled into an almost normal routine. Still going out and having some fun, still doing some crazy things at home, and some nights just sitting around and watching TV.
You guys said there was "movement", and I wanted to see it, but in my mind I was thinking that I was due for a down cycle...that it was too good to be true that she was actually starting to come around.
I figured that I had been here before...the fun, the talks...the nights in the kitchen cooking and being a couple...the ML. When it had reached these high points in the past, there would be a down day...couple of days, or a week.
I was waiting for it and expecting it, and thought to myself that I got through the other hundred, I will get through this one.
Instead of going with the flow, directing some focus back on myself and working on GAL, I focused on wondering when the good times were going to stop and she would hit the wall again.
Now, I am not saying I believe that 100%. I want to understand if that is what you have been trying tell me and that is what you think is happening....I am hitting the wall...I am making her hit the wall...what?
....as usual. Just once would you please post before Bill, so he can get on and say "I agree with Forrest".
How bout a simple text that says.. "having fun?"
Me?...simple? Did you forget...paralysis from analysis??
You just really have to understand that you fight yourself more.. than you fight the other person.
Think I finally saw that this week....see previous post.
Just think.. if you had a mentor.. you guys could have been having a beer tonight.
Just what I need...someone else to drink beer with. Very close...very close...if I don't get this out..verbalize it with someone, my heads going to explode, I know....and I just can't figure out what is stopping me...stubbornness...pride? I don't know. I look into it...I think about it...more paralysis from analysis I suppose.
Hopefully this is short lived and you will come back tomorrow and tell us about.. well you know.
Stopped on the way home for sushi. She was just getting there when I got home and she had stopped for movies to watch. I was still feeling a little distance and just kept talking, engaging her and asking questions about her day, etc.
We ate dinner, chatted about our days. I looked her in the eye, told her I was sorry for being such a jerk, coming home drunk last night and we laughed about it a little and let it go.
We put a movie in and after a while I went and sat near her on the couch. The movies were comedies and we watched both of them, laughed out loud a lot with each other, finished the leftover sushi....I rubbed her feet for her, we went to bed and well....you know.
Come on Lucky Cricket!
What....did I get demoted?? No more grasshopper???
You can do better than this. I will point out.. your vent sessions seem to come further apart now.
Have to do better, and yes the vents are few and far between. I realize that.....not much to vent about? Is that the "movement" from her I am missing?
"....as usual. Just once would you please post before Bill, so he can get on and say "I agree with Forrest"."
Honestly.. I would suspect that Bill would let it stand. I am the guy that would point it out. I am gonna stir it up.. and make it sarcastic. Bill does not need to say a word.. to know that I agree with him. Both of us have been "here" and "done" that. We both have "Made" it in different ways. Heck for all I know.. he may not like my posting's. Doesn't matter.. we both do it so YOU get it. That's all that matters. Neither of us want to "see" you posting. We want to see you doing better.
"Me?...simple? Did you forget...paralysis from analysis??"
We did not forget it.. You just keep telling us that "it" is not there anymore.. and you have it under control.
Do You?
Simple is part of being a DAM. Just being a man.. you qualify for being a DAM. Bring the Simple part of you home.. leave the PFA at work. PFA will not help you at home.
"Think I finally saw that this week....see previous post."
You keep telling me that.. and yet I still wonder if you really understand.
"Just what I need...someone else to drink beer with. Very close...very close...if I don't get this out..verbalize it with someone, my heads going to explode, I know....and I just can't figure out what is stopping me...stubbornness...pride? I don't know. I look into it...I think about it...more paralysis from analysis I suppose."
You are just scared of what it will mean.. Time away from Wife.
If she follows the "pattern".. expect her to check up on you.
Just don't tell her there are naked chick's dancing around your fire.
99% of the people here.. would love for OP to show some "Jealousy".
"Stopped on the way home for sushi."
I have a "Woody" just thinking about the possibility's.
This is a good thing.. and I kinda expected it.
"What....did I get demoted?? No more grasshopper???"
You must check your Chi.
Grasshopper
Cricket
Then I think we move into "Butterfly's"
or.. Wax on Wax off.
"Have to do better, and yes the vents are few and far between. I realize that.....not much to vent about? Is that the "movement" from her I am missing?"
I am pretty sure.. it is movement on your part.
She does not seem to be going anywhere. <----- Sarcasm! (Tongue in Cheek.)
I still have a room for rent!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I will back up and tell a little about the past weekend, but had to get this out this morning. Also want to get back to Forrest's post because there are some points in there that go with this past weekend.
Those of you that follow my thread know the wife and I do a lot together...take off for over nights, dinners out, dinners and cooking nights at home, concerts, NYC....and lots of partying. Yes she is a AWAW...read my story.
For whatever reason....avoiding the real issues, self medicating, re-bonding...we need to start AA...whatever....mixed in with all the time together is a bit too much alcohol....but, we have had some amazing times over the last 5 or 6 months since the bomb, she knows it and still will tell me "don't get your hopes up".
The other day I posted about her comment in reference to "No one getting it like us"....food, music, entertainment, etc.
Back to the point of all this....sitting at the kitchen table yesterday....I said "you know we always say we can't find anyone who likes to to the same things as us, likes the same foods or music as us....maybe that is a good thing?"....she laughed and ask what I meant.
I said "Well, we spend way too much money on dinners out. We have champagne tastes and a beer budget....we drink way too much and stay up too late when we do...we will pack up and take off for a day...or two, at the drop of a hat, and have a tendency to let the day to day stuff slide so we can go have some fun. Could you imagine what would happen if we found another couple who was the same as us??? That could be bad...LOL"
She looked me in the eye and said "You know all that really matters right now is that you(points at me) and I(points at herself) like doing the things we do and have each other to do them with".
I don't know if she even realized it came out the way it did, or how she meant it, but I was a bit dumbfounded.
Have to go work a little, but will come back and tell a little bit about the weekend. Just thought that was kind of cool, especially since it came so close to the comment about no one "getting it like we do" the other day.
