Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

[poet]

Thank you Imageer for your wise words. I appreciate what you have to say, and I will take it under advisement. Also, I posted a new message onto my thread tonight. Would you be interested in visiting my thread in the newcomers forum and read what I've been observing about my sitch?

Thanks so much,
poet

[Gman3388]

Would she be an over the road truck driver or local?
This just baffles me too. Such an odd choice!
Truck driver: lonely times on the road, long trips, little sleep.
Maybe its a way to see what the people closest to her will say?
Meaning if they will be supportive or ridicule her for it???
I don't know....

[Patrick325]

My wife did the same thing. She decided she "always" wanted to be a firefighter. I never remembered her saying it. I wonder if it's not part of the hormonal changes that makes them come up with this idea of becoming this stronger more masculine person. It seems like my wife has need to control everything. I don't ever remember being overly controlling myself but I think it's part of the mania they are going through....

[missmyfriend]

...I left her really shaking my head thinking about what she is thinking of doing. Is this a stress thing or a depression thing? Is it a reaction to not being happy? Or, is it just desparation because there isn't anyone hiring in her field right now?

I think there is more going on here than simply wanting to become a truck driver...

I would answer your questions as "yes, yes, yes and yes".

I believe that she probably is looking to simplify her life. She may think that it is a mindless job that she could perform without major responsibilities by transporting something from Point A to Point B. When she is off work, she doesnt have to think about work again until she is on the job once again.

Unfortunately, it will probably be nice for her (if she does it) for a very short time. She will get bored pretty quickly if she was used to a more dynamic and involved type of job.

The "masculine" perception of the job may be something to consider but, again, if she is more feminine, she may not like it long term because of the typecast.

IMO, it shows that she is still not a "happy" person who is desperately searching for the "answer". Until she has one of those defining moments where she realizes that happiness is not a destination, she will continue being depressed since it is elusive.

The irony is that she was much closer to having a sense of peace within her family of you and the kids. Instead of working on that relationship to make it as good as it can be, she ran away to something much worse.

I don't think her success or failure at being on her own will change the fact that she will still search. She could be very successful in taking care of herself and developing new friendships but it will never be enough.

Like the often used comparative, we can be a lighthouse for our spouse, that when they are finished with their travels, we can be a place to come home to (and to avoid the rocks where they can hurt themselves).

Continue being the lighthouse for her, Imageer.

mmf

[Imageer]

I believe that she probably is looking to simplify her life. She may think that it is a mindless job that she could perform without major responsibilities by transporting something from Point A to Point B. When she is off work, she doesnt have to think about work again until she is on the job once again.

Unfortunately, it will probably be nice for her (if she does it) for a very short time. She will get bored pretty quickly if she was used to a more dynamic and involved type of job.

I think you are right on with this. She won't admit it, but I think the stress of her last 2 jobs really got to her. To an extent, I think that stress is a contributor to her MLC.

I think she is really idealizing this job. She has said things to me like;

I like driving a Uhaul truck so I will like being a truck driver

If I was a truck driver, I will be able to work when I want.

I will get paid well as a truck driver.

I can be a truck driver for a couple of years and then get a job with the government teaching other truck drivers.

Companies will want to hire me because I'm a woman.

Something I think she is discounting is that the people she will see on deliveries will not treat like she was treated in her job in the insurance industry. In my experience most truck drivers / delivery drivers are treated like dirt. W really likes to be the best and smartest amoung her peers. She really gets off on "Go see (My W's name), she will know the answer. She just won't get that as a truck driver.

Anyway, it is all speculation. We'll have to see what happens.

[Imageer]

Things have been pretty quiet in the last few days.

W dropped off the kids on Sunday. She ended up staying for about a half hour. She wanted to "Borrow some of my movies" In reality, they are our movies, but whatever.

So she ended up looking through the movies for about 1/2 an hour and she took 17. She said they would give her something to do during the day.

While she was here she made a comment about how clean my place is and asked me if I would come and clean her place. She was joking which is good. I seem to make her laugh more lately. This was also the second or third time she has made a positive comment about my place. I get the impression, she likes it.

I had a bit of a wierd conversation with her on Sunday though. When she comes in, she tells me that she just came from taking the kids to the zoo. She then goes on to tell me that OW was on her way to work and she was getting gas when she saw a guy that had just been shot. I think her words after that were "She was upset so I thought the kids and I would go to the zoo to give her some time alone"

I didn't really ask for more details because I really don't want to talk about OW. What struck me as odd though was that OW saw this and was upset, so W's reaction is to take off to the zoo? What's that about??? Kind of a crappy thing to do if you ask me. It's not much of a supportive R.

On the other hand, I have to drive past Ws place to drop off the kids to school. Yesterday, OWs car was there in the morning and when I came back in the afternoon. I also didn't hear from W at all yesterday so maybe yesterday was moral support day. It still seems a little strange to me.

[missmyfriend]

Ima, you are doing really, really good. Friendship is where it starts. When a relationship (one that replaces the marriage) loses its luster, the old relationship (marriage) can look more desirable. But it will take time.

Keep on keeping on, my friend.

(These opinions are not necessarily those of management. Actual mileage may vary.)

[Gman3388]

(These opinions are not necessarily those of management. Actual mileage may vary.)

LOL mmf That's a good one
Hang in there Ima! I agree with MMF here. It all starts out with friendship and what I like to call a "place of peace" Keep showing your W that your the calm port in her stormy life.

[Imageer]

Thanks Guys. I think you are right.

W called this afternoon to talk to the kids. She never calls Saturday afternoon to talk to the kids.

My son tells her that I don't give him enough snacks for lunch. After he is finished talking to her, he tells me that she wants to talk to me.

Now this has happened many times in the past. He will tell her something like that and she will get on the phone and lecture me about how I take care of the kids. It's very annoying.

This time she says to me "S8 asked me to say he told you "like a billion times" that he needs more snacks in he lunch" She kinda laughs while saying this. My reply was that I've told him many times that when he starts to eat his sandwich, he won't need more snacks. W found this to be quite funny.

I talked to her for a few more minutes during this time she giggled and laughed a few more times and then I put D6 on the phone.

I left the conversation really feeling a difference in how we are interacting.

[plentyhope]

Hey imageer,

Sounds like a good conversation... Keep up the good work with your W.