Another one joins the flock (III)

[Mike85]

momof2girls: Yep, I'm still around. I've just been busy as all heck in my new job - WHICH I LOVE! The atmosphere in the place is just so positive, the kids are incredibly (for lack of a better word) sweet, my colleagues are incredibly supportive and knowledgeable, and my bosses are amazing. Oh, and the improved pay and benefits are just a bonus. I actually went to my first-ever high school game last week and watched my new district's team put a serious hurting on another school's team. It was great.

I've also been getting off-board support via e-mail correspondence with a couple of posters/former posters from here. I'm still DBing and getting DB support.

At home, things are status quo. My W is still shacked up with OM, but he's not digging what life with kids is like once school begins. W has kids on Mondays and Fridays, while I pick them up from the sitter and have them from 4 'til just before bedtime on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. We alternate weekends. Lately, OM has talked W into asking me to drive out to the lake to drop the kids off (16 miles round trip) instead of having her swing by after work to pick 'em up. Not sure what they're up to.

From the accounts given by my in-laws, my kids, and W's co-workers, she's stressed out and unhappy. I haven't seen it, but she's seemed to have made a point lately of keeping our interactions brief. The one exception was when OM's dog escaped from the house and he had to drive down the road to find it. W invited me into their place, and, with kids hanging on us, we chatted about older son's new little girlfriend (he's 9), stuff regarding my new job (she liked my new school sweatshirt), etc. After about 15 minutes, I decided to jet, and as I walked out the door, OM pulled into the driveway, glaring at me. I just smiled back.

In the last few months, I've managed to keep the house clean, paid for, and in good shape, have reclaimed a social life (I'm alum president of my Fraternity again), and am reveling in my new job. My therapist cautioned me to not appear TOO giddy, as she fears that W still has self-esteem issues and that it may appear that my success was triggered by her departure. My therapist fears that W's untreated depression and conflicted attitudes may not mix well with my moving on and could lead to W doing something self-destructive (which I *obviously* don't want).

Our wedding anniversary is this Friday. I'm worried that the emotional impact will sneak up on me, so I've made a point of planning a lot of time with friends this upcoming weekend (it's Homecoming at both my new district and my college). I also, serendipitously, happen to have a therapist appointment that afternoon.

To sort of keep me in W's mind, I've ordered flowers to be sent to her shop this week. They're carnations (her favorite, much more so than roses), and the message simply says "For 9/26... Unconditionally and forever, Love Michael". U & F was what I said to her as she headed home after I rescued her the weekend that OM went on a bender and abandoned her last month. I was conflicted on what to send, if anything, but my therapist feels that both my choice of flower and message are appropriate and sincere. I won't expect or look for a response, as that will just set me up.

So, things have been looking up for me of late. For my marriage? I'm just praying, working on keeping a positive, open line of communication with W, and continuing with therapy. Whenever I get down or frustrated, I remind myself that I've only been doing this for not even five months, so I'm still a "newbie." Baby steps.