my story

[123snap]

Our situation was he bombed me 2 years ago, said he didn't love me anymore, wanted a D, wasn't interested in separation, just D, adamant, not budging, he started making plans to move out, that was in August, he finally did move in November, for like 2 days, had an extreme reaction and called and wanted to come home and make it work. I said okay because I believed him. So we did nothing, a little talking but not really any work, slowly be April I was getting a quick kiss and then a few ILY's, but nothing beyond that. We built a new house, it all went fine, no arguing over that or anything. Then this summer I found out about an affair he had in O6 when all this first started. He was sorry and remorseful and all that, we actually began having deep conversations about our relationship, and he started becoming depressed, his Dad died this April, just to complicate things. He said he wasn't feeling "it" and wanted to return to counseling to try and reconnect, we went 2 times one was very surfacy, we went on vacation and had lots of "talks" again mostly about his troubles connecting and letting go of the A, he also had contact with her and she reamed him a new one, he was sad that she did that and they couldn't be friends. We had another session this one was tough and he was angry with much of what was said, along this time he wasn't sleeping well at all, well I woke him up that night to ask him something, and he flipped out, now he says that was the last straw, the following Monday he told me he no longer wanted to reconnect with me, but would stay until I finished school and that has been 2 weeks of hell and I can't do that anymore, so in our session Thursday I said if he isn't interested in the R then he needs to move out. So he said fine. He said he came to the same conclusion. We have told the kids, we are working on making plans to have him actually move stuff out and how the visitation of the kids is going to go.

Yesterday I asked him not to be here today, so this morning I wake up to an email that says he wants to take our son to something, I replied I guess, when he came to pick him up he was angry at my attitude, there was no attitude, I basically said whatever, he has his defensive mind in play so anything is taken wrong. Tonight when he returned s, he was worried I won't give him enough time to see the kids, I asked him to remember that I don't want this and as it is being forced on my maybe I deserve a little concession now and then, and could he please have some empathy for my situation, he said that this wasn't easy for him either and I needed to understand his point of view and have empathy for him, I was honest and said I couldn't really do that right now, and I would discuss it with my counselor to try and understand more his side.

We talked a bit about visitation and how that might go, he thought I was going for no contact when they were with me, but I think he can see them some extra days, they will just still sleep here. So far I have offered every other weekend plus every tuesday or every wed and then on the off week he can have dinner or something like that. I also mentioned that he would be my first choice of a sitter and hopefully vice versa, and he said yes. He said he would think about it, he didn't understand that there was not a no contact implication there. I just don't think I can do half and half, he keeps proposing alternate weeks, and I just think that sucks and won't do that.

Jane