We definitely have a lot in common :). I am also finding it very challenging to do GAL activities that are not related to the marriage. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing though if you are being productive, learning about yourself, and feel like you are making progress.
In terms of writing letters, I do this ALL the time; I just don't send them. What has helped me there recently is to actually take a close look at the things that my letters say, and see whether there are insights there that I feel WOULD help me with my end goal if they were shared. If so, I figure out ways that I can convey these messages without sending the letter. For example one of my never-sent letters tells H that things are different with me now, that I am so much more laid-back than I used to be, and that it would be easier to be around me. So, I need to SHOW that I am laid-back instead. I know this is hard when contact is limited, but this just means that things take longer, not that they are not possible. In my case my H noticed ALL of my changes, even though he has only seen me once in the last 6 weeks. Another thing I wanted to emphasize was that I never appreciated him like I should have. So, now I take EVERY opportunity, even though it's only by IM and email to heap on loads of praise. This is still conveying the right message.
Daisy, I am sure your H will contact you, even if he doesn't pursue as much as you would like. I would guess that he is just cooling off now. When he does reach out, you will have a great opportunity to show him a different side of yourself. I STILL think you have a lot of positives in your situation. This was just a setback, but it seems to me like you are learning from it.
I found something on Friday that has REALLY helped with my PMA, something that has really helped me to feel like I am not totally lacking all control over the situation. If you scroll down to the 3rd post by Bowtech after going to the following link, there is a multi-page post on the "special as-if model". I have been reading and re-reading it religiously all weekend, and this is the first weekend where I have not felt completely like I was falling apart. Hope it helps...
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
