Q&A with the WAS

[christarn]

Cought off Gaurd~

These are just IMHO hypothetical answers to your questions!! Keep this in mind

Question #1: What would you be thinking/feeling if your LBS, with the exception of 2 short, non-pursuing emails since the day you left, went "dark" for...oh, I dunno...say a month and a half?

This is exactly what my H did...the less he persued, the more I wanted him...he in his own way DB'd...and it worked. However, when I tried to go back...he wanted nothing to do with me...too much anger and hostility for the way I left. he did not email me, just sent a few random text msgs.

Question #2: Keeping in mind that the LBS went dark (or at least very dim) immediately after you left him and did not plead, beg, argue, etc., what would you be feeling as a result of the lack of contact? Phrased another way, would you be expecting he LBS to plead/beg, and would it upset you that the LBS did not act the way you expected?

My H, did the whole begging thing for about 2 weeks, we tried MC, then he started talking to OW. He was still texting me as well. The less he persued the more it made me think, what the hell am I doing...again this is just me and my feelings. Each WAW does what they do for different reasons. For me, it was a matter of loosing both of my parents, my H and I had poor communication, and I had went back to school it was all way to much on me all at once. I was over stressed, now that my life is managed, I realize just how bad I f'd up, and want to get my life with my H back on track; however, he just filed for D...and I have no control over his actions.

Question #3: How would you react if after 1.5 months of silence your LBS wrote you a letter/email to basically apologize for his contributions to the deterioration of the marriage but no mention of "trying to work things out" or any other variations of pleading or begging?

Just my 2 cents...I would stay dark. Give her time to think about what she did. The longer I had time to figure things out without H, the more I realized how much I missed him.

Question #4: Same scenario but disregard Q #3...if your LBS wrote you a letter after 1.5 months of mutual vows of silence, what would you like your LBS to have written?

I was ready to come home after 1.5 months of silence...so a letter stating I could have come home would have been awesome! and something stating he was ready try MC again. again just my 2 cents.

You might try a DB coach...they are awesome!! Also, just my 2 cents, i would continue the dark approach, as I stated above, the longer my H did his own thing...the more I wanted him. He even went and bought a Harley, which was a huge 180; things like that drove me nuts...making me want to go home even more. Stop, think, then react. Even though it is harder than hell, believe me after 20 months, I know, react without emotion. The more emotion that goes into our thinking, the more we as natural humans over react...i hope that makes sense.

Keep your chin up....I still believe there is hope for my M...and my H filed this past week. Until D papers are signed...there is hope! take care of yourself...then DB. Work on some 180's, work on you...stay focused...you can do this and you are doing this

christa

Very scared...I will try to get your ?'s answered later today...I have company arriving any time!