N, I'm glad that you spent some time helping your parents out. They have been your strongest supporters throughout this ordeal. Dinner sounded delicious as well.
Maybe I can offer you a bit of insight into what your h may be thinking. They know, whether they want to admit it or not, that they are the guilty party that had the affair, ran away, etc., they really don't like themselves that much, but they can't understand why we would still hold out for love of them. What they do is set things in motion to show a different side of them, the anger, the gossip about what you did or didn't do, how unfair you were, etc., it's called demonizing the lbs. They ensure that people hear all of this in order to justify why they left and hooked up with someone who knows and understands them. The ball is then set in motion so that you will hear how they feel about you. The example rings true of your xbil and xsil. Your h doesn't or isn't ready to look within and face what he's done. He will some day, but the million dollar question will be...will he own up to it and admit it to all? Will he even attempt to work things out w/you? Most of them do creep back into the picture and want to be friends and go from there. Others, will drop hints in casual conversations w/others that they screwed up, but they won't try to reconcile, etc.
N, I want you to understand, it's not your fault he walked. It's not your fault he is w/the ow. He had issues within himself that he needs to deal w. Had he been a stronger person, he would have talked to you about things and he didn't do this. I want you to understand that what your h hates right now is the fact that you stood your ground to protect yourself. He doesn't hate you as a person. He will understand his hatred better as he moves along and gets royally screwed over by the ow.
There's nothing to scared about....life for you will be good again. It all takes time. You just need to put your love in a little box and store it on the top shelf of your closet for now along with all of the good memories. You now need to fly solo and continue learning each and every day. Whether he reconnects or not, that's out of your hands...only God will determine whether your h is ready to return or not.
Enjoy the time you spend w/your parents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
