Friends with OM and OMW until D-Day..Thanks WW

[InLikeFlynn]

What still kills me is that we were friends with the OM and his wife. In fact I considered him a good friend and fellow sportsfan and would go to Sportsbars with or watch sports at each others houses. The wives were friends as well. This went on for a couple of years or so. Not unique I guess from reading the stories, but what I still can't get my head around is how can the Cheating spouse put their spouse in continued contact with the OM/OW, bring them over to the family house, pretend to be friends, interact with them etc.....basically humiliating them without them even knowing about it.

My wife said she had no intention of leaving but the relationship spiraled out of control into a emotional and sexual affair. OK that part I get, but why continue to allow OM to come over, attend dinners with his wife, act as friends, go out to bars/resturants etc...all the while both betrayed spouses thought we were all friends?

Do they get some sick thrill out of humilating their spouses without them knowing about it? Do they exchange knowing glances at each other, pat each others butts while thier spouses are looking the other way?

Thats the part I still have not recovered from and probably never will. The OM is no longer our friend obviously and any other friends that still associate with them are no longer my friends no matter what their excuse is or how long their were friends with the other couple before us.

How many others were caught in the friend-zone with the cheating couple and their betrayed spouses and didn't know and it was allowed to continue until D-Day?

Couldn't she just find a co-working Soulmate instead of a mutual friend Soulmate??? I use the word Soulmate loosely of course.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

ILF,

I'm having a hard time finding any threads about your sitch, but as far back as three years ago, you were posting on here that your wife had already had multiple affairs. If you knew this was going on, why did you tolerate it? You were even posting to another guy for HIM not to tolerate it, telling him "it wouldn't work."

Unless your stuff is on another forum, I'm not seeing where you've ever seriously worked at this problem. Sounds to me like your wife did what you let her.

Puppy

[InLikeFlynn]

This was mostly a vent. We have recovered but every once in awhile this part of it still gets me riled. I probably will not get over that part of it, even though my wife says there was no intent on humiliation by allowing continued contact with the OM's family before I found out.

This is my second marriage, my first wife had two affairs, the last that ended the marriage. My current wife had the brief affair with the mutual friend, ended it but allowed the families to continue to be friends until I and the OM's wife discovered the affair. If it weren't for kids involved in both marriages I would not have continued. I was wishy wasy in my first marriage, trying to keep the family together...it was a military marriage and didn't want to lose my kids and only see them 30 days a year but it still didn't work! This last affair by my current wife was was over by the time I found out and she took the recovery ball and ran with it.

I posted my story on another board but didn't really use the boards for help other than help in affair proofing my marriage from further affairs. Thats why I was always reluctant to offer much help other than my opinion. Don't want to be a hypocrite.

Two stories have caught my attention of this site....hope4us who was also on the other site and hopeful4her. No offense to other stories.

[LL44]

.....basically humiliating them without them even knowing about it.

Oh I know. I remember many times being around OW (she was my friend) with my H around. We would end up together at the pool (darnit, she saw me in a bathing suit! lol), parties, school, library, grocery store, everywhere together. My H allowed it to happen. I will be a long time recovering from that sting too.

Do they get some sick thrill out of humilating their spouses without them knowing about it?

I don't know, but its really sad if they did/do.

Do they exchange knowing glances at each other, pat each others butts while thier spouses are looking the other way?

Yes.

I suppose its like any other addiction, doing it while hiding it from your loved ones.

How many others were caught in the friend-zone with the cheating couple and their betrayed spouses and didn't know and it was allowed to continue until D-Day

Many of us. Its common, sadly. Its horrible pain. My H and OW also made tons of plans together with all of our kids while OWH and I were working. They played happy family, even in church on Sunday mornings. I am shocked and beyond disappointed in my H for bringing our kids around that.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sorry, InLikeFlynn, I misunderstood. I do wish you well in your recovery!

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

I posted my story on another board but didn't really use the boards for help other than help in affair proofing my marriage from further affairs. Thats why I was always reluctant to offer much help other than my opinion. Don't want to be a hypocrite.

Two stories have caught my attention of this site....hope4us who was also on the other site and hopeful4her. No offense to other stories.

And you have given PEARLS of wisdom. I appreciate your attention to my situation. I really mean it. You don't post very often, but when you do, they help greatly.

It feels like you understand me. Not saying that no one else does. Just differently, you know? Like you, I tend to not give a whole lot of advice. I'll lend support, sometimes give an honest opinion, when appropriate, but mostly provide some comic relief.

I'm a conflicted man with a tornado of emotions swirling inside of me. Ultimately, I know what I want. I want the opportunity to show my wife the passion I have for her.

Thanks for your help. Like so many others here, you are a blessing.