H came Friday am from work. I made him breakfast and he tried to take a nap before working calves. The dogs wouldn't be quiet so didn't work so well. The guys showed up about nine and they went to get ready. I guess all went well and they got done about 12:30. They came here a bit to visit. H had said earlier that he had not eaten for two days. So while they were gone I made a meatloaf and party potatoes and sent them home with him. He thanked me before he left. Had to work again.
Didn't hear from him or see him Sat. Other than he called to ask if I would go to get batteries for combine. In the end I didn't have to. But otherwise that was it. I guess the guys all went out to the cabin to stay for the night. About 11:45 last night he calls just to talk. He doesn't stay anywhere when he gets drunk so of course he left the cabin and was headed home. He ended up pulling in the drive as we were talking. I laughed and went out to the truck. We talked a little then he said he needed to get home. Of course I was disappointed, thought he'd stay, but didn't question and let him go. Whatever H.
I worked on putting up soffit around the basement stair enclosure this weekend. (job that's been sitting unfinished for 4yrs). I almost finished it yesterday but need one piece. Had no idea what I was doing but with time and patience I figured it out. It looks pretty d*mb good too!
This morning I am going to go to church. H is supposed to come and I think I am supposed to help him take combine and corn head to nearby town to get them worked on. He didn't say for sure, didn't say when, so I guess if I'm gone, huh, he'll either wait or have someone else help him. This afternoon I'll probably work in the basement. See if I can finish that up too.
Felt pretty down and lonely last couple nights. Having strong feelings of filing myself before any more bills pile up. He obviously has no intention of coming home. So why keep this up? Why keep wishing for something that may never happen? I love this man with all my heart. I don't want to be with someone else. But d*mb I'm tired of crying over him. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of the sadness and the rejection. Maybe it's time to find out if those are right that say, "you'll find happiness again, there's always someone else out there"
I don't know...just trying to keep the bubble in the middle.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
